Will They Make It?
by PenelopeJess
Summary: Truth hurts, but will they survive the challenge? Mainly AddisonDerek. Some AddisonMark and DerekMeredith. UPDATED with CHAPTER 19 and 20!
1. Once Upon A Time

**Disclaimer :** I do not owe the characters of Grey's Anatomy. Plotlines that have been showed in the episodes of Grey's Anatomy do not belong to me.

* * *

**---ONCE UPON A TIME--- (PART I)**

**April, 1991**

"Shepherd, Montgomery, Parker, Harrison, Burke!" the loud speaker boomed. The red head closed the locker door and checked her lab coat again to make sure she had everything before moving along with the crowd. There were three guys and two girls, including herself, in the team. Not recognising the others yet, she flipped her tiny notepad self-consciously while heading to her assigned resident. In front of the desk, a dark man stood there back turned away from the incoming interns. It was their first day of internship.

"Hi, I'm Addison Forbes Montgomery. You can call me by my first name." Addison greeted nervously. The man turned around, smiling down at her briefly before looking up to address the rest of the team. "Good morning, Interns. My name is Richard Webber and I am your attending. Feel free to ask me any questions and remember, do not hesitate to ask for help. We are doctors, we are saviours of life, we are healers. But we are not invincible, we are not expected to know everything. I don't want to hear you performing a mistake because you are not sure and you are afraid to ask, is that understood?" Everyone nodded. "Alright." Richard continued, flipping open a file and started scribbling something on it. "Shepherd and Parker, in the pit. Addison, labs. Harrison, rounds. And Burke, you're with me today." he announced, shutting the chart with a smile. "Go on, have fun. It's your first day at work."

The interns walked their separate ways without a word. They barely interacted with each other. Derek and James made their way casually to the pit in silence. They stood there, waiting for cases to arrive with the ambulance, paramedics, whatever. "So," Derek started. James turned to look at him. "Have you seen the redhead?" he asked casually. James raised an eyebrow at him. "Sure I have. Addison Montgomery. Why?" Derek smiled. "I think she's gorgeous." James just shook his head and laughed.

**August, 1992**

"Addison." a voice called out from above the desk. Addison looked up, her hair was tied up in a ponytail. "Yes?" she enquired, her pen stopped in midscribble on her tiny notepad. Derek simply smiled. Addison raised an eyebrow at him for a brief moment before returning to her scribbling. "What can I help you with, Derek Shepherd?" she asked flatly, not looking up this time. There was a pause, but she could feel him staring, watching her every move. "Are you on call tonight?" he asked, beating around the bush. Addison stopped writing, capped her pen and shut her notepad with a sigh. "Get to the point, Derek." she said, shoving her writing stationeries back into her coat pocket. Derek turned his back against her, leaning his elbow against the table top.

"Would you have dinner with me tonight?"

Addison made her way from behind the desk and stood right in front of him. Her face was expressionless. At that, Derek's smile was gone. But slowly, her red lips curled up with a smile, her eyes lit up. "Yes, Dr. Shepherd. I will have dinner with you tonight." she said, then started to walk away. "It's a date then. I'll pick you up at Seven-thirty tonight, at the locker room!" he called out after her.

**December, 1992**

"What are we doing here? It's so dark." Addison whispered in the linen closet. "Can we turn on the lights?" she asked, her hand flumbling around for the switch. "Shh.." Derek coaxed, sliding his arms around her waist as his lips came into contact with the side of her neck. Addison giggled, placing her hands on top of Derek's arms. Slowly, she turned around in his embrace, their eyes locked. The light in their eyes were enough to light up the darkened room. "I'm in love with you, Addison." Derek whispered. With the same charming smile that won Derek's heart, Addison leaned forward and gave him a passionate kiss. "Merry Christmas, Derek." she giggled.


	2. When it All Begins

**---WHEN IT ALL BEGINS--- (PART II)**

**June, 1993**

The interns were finishing their internship, all given slips and forms to choose where they want to serve their residency. Derek and Addison had gotten the same offers, however, had different ideas. Addison wanted to move to New York for her residency, but Derek however prefered to stay in Boston. "It's more peaceful." he said. However, Addison prefered a fast paced lifestyle.

"Just something to let you all know, I will be moving to Seattle by the end of next month. I have been offered the Chief of Surgery there and I've accepted it. And a gentle reminder, people. The submission of your choice of hospital is dued by the end of this week. Make up your minds, fast." Richard said as his interns gathered around him in the locker room. "Alright, Dr. Spencer needs an assistant in her surgery today, who's up for it?" As usual, all of them raised their hands. "Parker, you're scrubbing in." He waited for Parker to leave the locker room before continuing. "Addison, you're with me today. Burke, Shepherd and Harrison, to the A&E." With that, Richard turned and started out of the locker room.

"Webber hates us." Harrison complained. But neither of the boys responded. Derek reached out and grabbed Addison by her arm, pulling her back for just enough time. "Meet me at the hospital entrance after the shift." he requested, flashing a smile. His eyes showed mystery. Addison gave him her famous, slanted smile before following Richard.

"You have something to show me, don't you?" Addison asked, turning her back around to allow Derek to adjust her coat. "I'm not saying anything." Derek teased. "I know you have something up your sleeves." she insisted, then turned around and straightened Derek's collar. "You'll see." Derek held out his arm, waiting for Addison to link hers with his. "Follow me." he instructed. Shaking her head, Addison slipped her arm around Derek's and exited the hospital with him.

Derek drove for miles endlessly through the highway, the soft music played on the radio. With his windows rolled down, Addison's red hair floated behind her as the wind rushed into the car. "What's on your mind?" Derek asked, taking a glance at his girlfriend before keeping his eyes on the road again. Addison haven't spoken for the last ten minutes.

"I'm thinking." she muttered. "Something's bothering you?" Derek stole a glance at her again, suddenly concerned. "Yea." she said, louder this time. Then, she turned around, a sly grin on her face. "I'm wondering where my boyfriend is taking me. He wouldn't tell me, he wouldn't give me a single hint, he wouldn't even let me guess. And suddenly, I'm wondering if he's kidnapping me, then demanding a ransom from my parents." she teased, a hand sliding into Derek's lap. "I'm driving, Addy." Derek warned, but Addison leaned in, her lips carassed his earlope. "Are you kidnapping me, Prince Charming?" she whispered. "I'm driv--" Addison didn't care. She planted her lips firmly on Derek's. Their car slowed down as Derek's foot lifted from the pedal slightly. They were in their own world.

"Watch the road, buddy!" someone yelled from outside. The couple broke apart from the few seconds of intimacy.

Not long after, Derek turned his car into a deserted field, stopping there and then. Addison frowned. Her eyes followed Derek as he left the car, walked over and opened the door to her side. Not comprehending his actions, she just looked up at him blankly. "C'mon. Get out of my car!" Derek said, waving his hand in a beckoning motion. Shaking her head, Addison unbuckle her seatbelt and followed him as he headed off towards the beach. The sky had darkened and the stars filled the sky. The sea breeze blasted against her body as she moved forward, towards her boyfriend that stood in the middle of the empty beach, smiling like a fool. Finally, when Addison stood right in front of Derek, he leaned forward and gave her a peck on her cheek.

"What is this about, Derek? It's freezing out here." she held her coat tighter to her body. Then, Derek descended on one knee and fished out something from his pocket, opening it in such a graceful movement that it shocked Addison. She gasped at the sight of the ring that sparkled under the moonlight.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery, will you be my wife?" "Oh my god." Addison whispered, not believing her ears. "Yes." she said, softly at first, then held out her right hand slowly in front of her. Derek looked up hopefully. "Yes, Derek Shepherd. I will be your wife."

Excitedly, Derek slipped the diamond ring into Addison's finger, leaped up and tilt her backwards, planting a kiss on her lips. Leaving her in the position, Derek pulled away and looked into Addison's eyes. "I love you, Addison...Shepherd."

"I love you too, Derek." she smiled, allowing Derek to pull her into a standing position again. "And I'm already liking the sound of it. Addison Shepherd. Mmm..."

They lay on the beach watching the stars, Addison's head resting on Derek's chest while his hand stroke her hair lovingly. "Addison?" "Hmm?" she responded dreamily.  
"We're going to New York."


	3. Honeymoon Suite

**---HONEYMOON SUITE--- (PART III)**

**March, 1994**

"To my best friend, Derek Shepherd, and to his lovely wife, Addison Forbes Montgomery...Shepherd. May they live happily ever after, like in a fairytale." Mark Sleon, Derek's best friend, was the best man at their wedding. There were strings of laughter from the guests, then everyone lifted their wine glasses with a toast to the newly weds. Standing on the stage in the traditional wedding costumes, Derek snatched the mike from Mark again. "I have a request." he said. The guests quietened down. "I would like to kiss the bride, again." The guests cheered. Passing the mike off to Mark, Derek leaned foward and gave his wife a dramatic kiss. "You're my wife." he said when he pulled back. "And you're my husband." They share a smile.

**December, 1997**

There was a Christmas celebration at the hospital that night, there were mistletoes placed under random doors, but Derek and Addison were too engrossed in their work to notice much. All they notice however, were each other. Every day, every time. Each time they pass, their eyes locked and they exchanged smiles. Silent messages were passed, like they knew what each other wanted to say without needing to communicate verbally.

It was nine in the night when it happened. Derek and Addison were conversing under the door outside a patient's room when their boss, Gwen, walked past. She stopped in front of them with her arms folded in front of her chest. Several nurses looked on. It took Derek and Addison a moment to notice the stares. Initially, they were ignoring Gwen's prescence on purpose, just to annoy her. They and their boss share a pretty close relationship. Apparently, Gwen didn't believe in her students addressing her by her last name. According to her, if they were going to see each other eighteen hours a day, they might as well get personal and friendly.

Derek turned with a mocked annoyance on his face. "What?" he asked. Gwen raised an eyebrow, several nurses giggled. Then, she raised her eyes and looked above Derek's and Addison's head.

"You're under a mistletoe." she said. At that, Derek and Addison turned up. "Oh." they said in unison, in a purposefully, perfectly mastered flat-tone. "Oh?" Gwen inquired. "Oh c'mon, Dr. Shepherd!" a nurse called out. "Well then." Derek said, letting out a sigh before leaning foward so suddenly it caught Addison by surprise. He wrapped an arm around her waist and tilt her over, planting a kiss on her lips. The nurses crowded behind Gwen cheered. "Well, that's more like it, Shepherds." Gwen teased, a smile playing on her lips as she walked away.

**August, 1999**

"So, the hospital's top neuro-surgeon." she teased, her fingers playing at the rim of his tag on his lab coat. He leaned foward, brushing the loose hair out of her face. "So, the hospital's top gynaecologist." Addison blushed at the compliment, her eyes drifted down to the floor. Derek lifted up her chin and gazed into her eyes. "You know I'll always love you, no matter what happens." Derek vowed.

"Oh god, seriously Derek. Do you really have to do this in the middle of the hallway?" a familiar voice cut through their moment of intimacy. "And I am the hospital's top plastic surgeon." Mark said, rolling his eyes at the loving couple before disappearing into a patient's room. Still refusing to let go of his wife, Derek lifted up his head and shouted after Mark. "Well, you only say that because you're jealous!"

Addison threw her head back with a laugh, breaking away from his embrace and headed to her next destination, Derek fall into steps beside her. "I'll see you tonight, Derek." she said, her eyes lingering onto his for a moment. "You will, I promise." he smiled, leaning foward to give her a quick kiss before heading into the opposite direction.


	4. Down the Drain

**---DOWN THE DRAIN--- (PART IV)**

**June, 2001**

"Really Addy, do we have to do this tonight?" he asked, a genuine annoyance was written all across his face. Addison slammed her chart shut and looked up at him. "No Derek, we have all the time in the world." she said sweetly, a fake smile plastered on her face before walking out of the room. "Seriously!" he said, looking up from his chart as his wife stomped out of the room. "Aww, c'mon Addy!" he said, slotting his chart back into the pile and chased after his wife. He caught her by the arm and spun her around. Addison looked away with a sigh. "I don't want to fight, Derek. I don't know why we are fighting. I'm sorry I yelled, but it is really important for me, Derek." she said, shrugging her arm off his grip. Derek shoved his hands into his coat pockets with a nod. "Alright." he said, not looking up. "I'll be home tonight." he promised, looking up with a smile.

"Thank you." she said, smiling genuinely now. Reaching up, she gave Derek a peck on his cheek.

**September, 2001**

"Don't say a word, Addy. Don't. Say. Anything." Derek said, staring straight into Addison's eyes for a moment before walking out of the room.

"Whatever happened to the man I married." Addison muttered before the door was fully shut.

"I can hear you, Addison." Derek shouted back.

**March, 2002**

"Any plans tonight?" Addison asked, giving Derek a kiss from behind. Derek looked up with a smile, closing his file. "Well, I have a surgery, and an old patient to check on. Why?" Addison's heart sank, but she didn't let it show on her face. "Nothing." she said, giving a forced smile before walking away.

"Hey Addy." Mark greeted, his eyes not leaving the file in his hands. But Addison didn't look up, she continued on, her head buried in the file. That caught Mark's attention. He stopped with a frown and turned his head, looking as Addison walked away, not even turning back once.

"What's up with her?" Mark asked as Derek approached him. But Derek only shrugged. "Had a fight?" Mark pushed on, flipping the pages in his file. "Not one that I know of. She asked if I was doing anything tonight and I told her I'm booked." he explained. "What cases have you got there?" Derek changed the topic, peeking over to Mark's file. Mark looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. "Dude, seriously." "What?" "It's your eighth year anniversary tonight, Derek."

**January, 2003**

"5! 4! 3! 2! 1! Happy New Year!" the crowd cheered. The group was off shift and were celebrating at a pub near the hospital. Addison stirred her drink restlessly, her eyes starring into blank space. She lifted up her glass absentmindedly, taking a sip from it. "He's not here?" a voice startled her. Addison jumped, spilling her drink over the table. "Jesus, Mark!" she exclaimed, grabbing a couple of napkins and dapped at the moist area.

"No. He's not here." she said dully. Mark slided up on the chair next to her. "Want to talk about it?" he offered. Addison shook her head with a laugh. "Talk about what'  
"I'm not blind, Addison. And I am his best friend. If almost the entire hospital, including the regular patients knows that you and Derek have problems, I definitely do." Mark said, taking a swig from his beer. He turned to face Addison, helping her clean up the spill before tossing the wet napkins away. "Really, you can tell me." Mark offered once again, looking into Addison's eyes with concern.

**March, 2003**

"It's our anniversary tonight, Derek!" Addison yelled from the bathroom. "Couldn't you have try to get off work or something?"

"It's not as easy as you think, Addy. I'm a neuro-surgeon, the best in the hospital. If they don't pick me, who would they pick?" Derek explained, turning the page of his morning newspaper.

"God, you're so full of yourself." Addison muttered under her breathe. "I don't know, the second best?" she shouted over the hairdryer. Derek shook his head and took a sip of his coffee. In the next five minutes, Addison exited from the bathroom with her hair done and all dressed up for work.

"I don't get it, Addy." Derek started, putting down his coffee and turned another page of his newspaper. "Why do we have to celebrate our anniversary anyway? We don't have to be like everyone. We can't be like everyone. We're surgeons, we aren't suppose to have a life. Besides, we see each other everyday." Addison looked up with disbelief, picked up her bag and headed towards the front door.

"Aren't you going to have breakfast before you leave? I made toast." Derek said, starting to leave the table. "I'm not hungry." Addison said before closing the door behind her.

**Feburary, 2004**

There was the knock on the door. Addison, in tears and confusion, walked up to answer it. "Hey." the voice greeted. She refused to look up. "Hey." she whispered, turning her back against the man before walking back to the living room again. She wiped her tears away from her face desperately.

"Uhmm.. do you want anything to drink?" she asked, walking to the kitchen.  
"Addison." he said, stopping her in her tracks. "Something's wrong." Mark concluded. Addison did not respond. "Is it Derek?" There was another moment of silence before she broke down.

**April, 2004**

"Will you be home for dinner tonight?" Addison asked casually, signing papers from a nurse. "I can't. I have two surgeries to perform tonight." Derek said without looking up. Addison nodded, returning the papers before walking away.


	5. Tonight is the Night

**---TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT--- (PART V)**

**June, 2004**

"He's not home again?" Mark asked over the phone. Addison flipped the channels on her television. Being a gynaecologist isn't as busy as being a neuro-surgeon. In a busy city like New York, not many women are willing to get pregnant to have a family, there aren't so many children in this busy state, resulting that Addison isn't quite as busy as her husband.

"No." she responded, popping some salted popcorn into her mouth again. "Are you sure he didn't say anything? Like if I did something wrong, if I had been awful to him...?" she asked for the fifth time in ten minutes.

"No." Mark responded. He sighed over the phone. "Do you...do you need me to come over?" he offered, shoving a hand through his hair. Addison raised her eyebrows. _Some company till Derek comes back will be good._ she thought. "Sure, ok." she said. "Alright, I'll be there in fifteen." Mark said before hanging up the phone.

Within the next fifteen minutes, Addison put away the magazines, cleared the table and made the sofa looked a little more presentable and put on a more presentable set of clothes. She wouldn't want to invite her husband's best friend over to a messy house. The doorbell rang. Addison stacked the pile of magazines neatly under the coffee desk before answering the door.

"I bought liquor." he said, holding up a bottle. Addison laughed, stepping aside to let him in. "We don't need it, but thanks. I prefer to stay sober tonight. I have a major surgery next morning." She took the bottle from him and headed to the kitchen. "I could pour you some if you want." she called out. Mark shoved his hands in his jeans pocket. "No. Thanks. You can keep it." After knowing Derek for so long and been to his house for quite some time, he still felt weird being in the house alone with Derek's wife. It's his best friend's wife.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Half an hour later, the two were sitting by the table, laughing and chatting, poker cards laid around the table. Their conversation moved from topic to topic. "And I never imagined for him to be this stupid. He actually tripped and fell flat on his face!" Mark exclaimed, slapping his knee while howling with laughter. He was sharing stories of him and Derek when they were in Med school. The two have been best friends since then. Slowly, the laughter stopped, Addison cleared her throat slightly, fidgetting with the cards on the table. Mark's laughters died down too. There was a brief moment of silence between them. Then suddenly, Mark's hand found his way onto Addison's, the heat from his body travelled through hers, she felt a tingle of excitment ran through her. Addison looked up, finding herself lost in Mark's eyes. Then slowly, he leaned foward, closer and closer to her. Addison leaned forward hesitantly, but closed her eyes as Mark dipped down with a kiss. Taken aback, Addison froze. But Mark lips moved, his tongue working to part her lips. Giving in, Addison's lips parted and she kissed him back. The moment of mistake turned into a moment of passion. Slowly, their bodies moved closer to each other, fingers ran up and down each other's bodies. As though by instinct, they made their way into the bedroom, lips still locked onto each other's hungrily.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The lock to the front door clicked open, but they did not hear it. Derek's keys jingle for a moment as he laid them on the table and hung his coat on the hanger. He switched on the lights, frowned at the sight of uncleared chips and messy poker cards on the dining table. _Addison had friends over? Where are they?_ he thought, picking up the glasses and headed to the kitchen. _It isn't like her to leave things like this._ Derek poured the remaining liquid into the sink. Then he froze, turning around slowly as he stared at the jacket on the floor. _That's not Addy's._ he thought, standing in front of the piece of garment. Looking up straight, he shook his head at the closed bedroom door. _Must be a wild party._ he thought, expecting Addison to be asleep, too exhausted to clean up completely before heading to bed. Derek stepped over the jacket and paused for a moment, suddenly finding it familiar. _No. It couldn't be. _he thought, knowing his best friend would tell him if he were to be coming over to his house. Shrugging off the feeling, Derek twisted the knob to his bedroom door and pushed it open.

"Derek!" Addison called out, pulling the bedsheet against her chest. Mark rolled off her and glance up in shock, sliding straight under the blankets. Derek stood there for a second, dumbfounded. "Derek..." she called out again, but stopped. She had no explanation to what she was doing, and why she was doing it. There is nothing she can say that will make sleeping with his best friend reasonable. Derek nodded quickly, tears brimmed his eyes. He locked his jaw and walked out of the bedroom, picked up his belongings and left.

"Oh god, oh god." Addison muttered, running a hand through her hair. "What have I done?"


	6. Sinking In

**---SINKING IN--- (PART VI)**

Derek walked down the street, not bothering to turn back. Subconsciously, he reached the airport. He stood in front of it for a moment before heading in. He needed to get his mind off the image that he saw. But in his mind, it kept playing over and over again, like a spoilt video. Earlier that day, he had just received a phone call from Richard Webber, his attending when he was an intern. Richard had invited him over to Seattle Grace Hospital, hearing the news of Derek being the best Neuro-surgeon in the country. He had planned to talk to Addison about it, bring her along, at least, try to convince her. But right now, his mind was a blank. He looked up at the neon yellow letters of the black board for a moment before heading to the counter. "Next plane to Seattle." he said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**NEW YORK**

"You need to leave." Addison said, refusing to look at Mark. He nodded understandingly, dressed up and left. Thoughts were running through her mind from the moment Derek walked in on them. She did not go after him. What can she say? That she's sorry for sleeping with Mark? There is no excuse. He is Derek's best friend, they should have known better. She should have known better than to accept his offer and invite him over for a friendly company. She should have known, somehow. She don't know how, but somehow. Addison slided furthur into the bedsheet and clutched it tightly against her chest. Reaching out, she pulled Derek's pillow to her in a tight hug. That night, she cried herself to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**SEATTLE**

_Why? Why did she do this to me? Why_ he thought, his head resting on the cool window pane of the plane as it flew across the darkened night sky. He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breathe. _And with Mark._ he thought, feeling anger building up in him. Drawing another deep breathe, Derek tried to calm himself down.

Hours later, he reached Seattle. He signed into a hotel room and started flipping magazines, keeping his mind off the awful experience. Not long after, he drifted off to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**NEW YORK**

It was morning again. Addison woke up with a start. She felt the sun beating down on her as she lifted the pillow off her face. Her hair was in a mess, she wasn't dress. She stared at the pillow in her hands and leaned back down with a sigh. Burying her face in it, she drew in a deep breathe, enjoying the scent of her husband's. Her husband who left her last night when he walked in on her making out with his best friend. Addison could cry all over again, but it wasn't her character. She is strong, she is independent. And no matter what happens, she will go on with life. _I'll find a way to explain to him._ she thought. But at the moment, she wasn't in the mood for work. Reaching out about to call in sick, her pager beeped. With a groan, she snatched it off the bedstand. "Great." she muttered. "An emergency when I'm not in the best mood."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**SEATTLE**

The sun beat down on his face, seeping through the window of his hotel room. Derek woke up, rubbing his eyes as he stretched to the side, expecting to find a body lying next to him, just the way it is every morning for the past 11 years. But instead of feeling the prescence of his wife, he felt the phone by the bedside table. "Ohh.." he groaned, rubbing his face with both hands. It sunk into him again, the image replayed itself--his wife sleeping with his best friend. Forcing himself to wake up, he freshened up and headed downstairs to the lobby for breakfast. He had one more day before he needs to sign in for work. Yesterday, it was if he needed to sign in for work. He has yet to decide, he was going to leave the decision mainly on Addison. But today, he has already arrived in Seattle.

After breakfast, he put on his coat and took a walk by the park. Seattle was different, very different from New York, or Boston. Which is good, keeps his mind away from memories he had with Addison. Perhaps here he can start a new, although he is from New York, genetically programmed to hate everywhere else except for Mahattan.


	7. Moving Ahead

**---MOVING AHEAD--- (PART VII)**

**NEW YORK**

"Morning, Dr. Montgomery Shepherd." someone greeted as Addison walked by. "Good morning." she called back without looking up from her chart. The emergency was over. It was a case of teenage pregnancy where the girl tripped and fell this morning in her dorm. The baby was borned premature, but both parent and child were out of danger. _Shepherd._ she thought bitterly at the last name used. For a moment, for just a second, she was so used to being a Shepherd that what happened the night before was almost forgotten. Like a dream, like a nightmare. She rubbed her temples with a sigh. This is going to be hard to get over.

"Derek wasn't there for you." a voice caught her by surpise. Without looking up, she already knew whose it belonged to. "This is not the time, Mark." she replied, emotionless. Starting to walk away, Mark grabbed her by her arm and led her to a deserted stairway.

"What!" Addison demanded, shrugging her arm off his grip by the time they were alone. Mark looked at her for a moment, as though considering of what to do before grabbing her by the shoulders and kissed her deeply. To her own surprise, Addison gave in and kissed back. But she let go in the end, pushing Mark away. _What am I doing?_ Addison sighed. "Mark..." But he laid his index finger softly on her lips, lifting her chin up with another hand.

"I'm in love with you, Addison." Mark started. Addison started to open her mouth to respond, but Mark cut her off with another kiss. "I'm in love with you." he repeated. "I always have been. From the moment Derek started ignoring you, the moment he started putting his work first and his love second, I could see he didn't deserve you. But I love you. I was there when you needed someone, I was there when he wasn't, when he should be." Addison lifted her eyes and gaze into those of Mark's. "I... I can't." she finally said. Mark nodded. "I'll wait."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**SEATTLE**

"Seattle Grace Hospital, how can I help?" a female voice spoke into the other end of the phone.  
"This is Dr. Derek Shepherd. I wish to speak with Dr. Richard Webber, please." Derek said. He leaned against the metal railing, enjoying the breeze that beat against his face. "One moment please." the voice answered. There was a short moment of melodic tune before the line returned. "Derek Shepherd!" the voice called out.  
"Hello, Richard." Derek smiled.  
"What's the verdict?" Richard asked, signing the papers in front of him before handing it off to the nurse again.  
"I'm ready to start tomorrow." "That's good to hear. How are you?" Richard asked, taking off his black-rimmed glasses and rubbed the spot between his eyes. "Good, good. I'm good." Derek lied. _And last night I walked in on my wife cheating with my best friend._ he thought bitterly. "How's Addy?" he asked. "She ahh. She's good too." Derek said, not giving out too much details. "Good to hear. Is she coming in with you?" "Well, no. She ahh, she's needed in New York." Again, he lied.  
"Oh. Well, send her my regards. I'll see you at work tomorrow, Shepherd."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**NEW YORK**

Mark looked up as the familiar scent and the sight of red hair flew pass him. "Move along, people!" the voice called out. His eyes followed her as she rushed through the hospital, her cheeks flushed in a healthy pink from the rush. For a second, their eyes locked just as the door to the elevator shut. With her out of sight, Mark headed to his next patient.

In the elevator, Addison leaned her head against the side, closing her eyes for a rest. _Oh god, give me a break._

"Dr. Montgomery Shepherd?"  
"Yea?" she looked up.  
"Are you alright?" the nurse asked, concerned.  
"Yea." she replied, not giving eye contact. At that moment, the elevator door opened. _Thank god._ she thought, wheeling her patient out and towards the operating room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**SEATTLE**

"Martini." he ordered, sitting by the bar. The bells to the front door rang. Derek turned his head, his eyes caught sight of the blonde that walked in. She sat a seat away from him. "Scorch." she said. _She's cute._ he thought. As though sensing his stares directed at her, she turned around with a smile. _Really cute._ he thought, smiling himself as he downed his order when it arrived.

"Bad day?" she asked casually, taking a sip of her drink.

"You wouldn't want to know." Derek responded, gesturing to his glass for a refill.

"Ok." she shrugged.

"Ok."


	8. Substitution

**---SUBSTITUTION--- (PART VIII)**

**SEATTLE**

Morning came, the sun rose, the alarm clock rang. Derek lay on the floor, face squished against the cushion from the girl's couch. The blanket was dragged away from his body and a pillow was thrown onto his bottom in its place.

"I cannot be late on the first day of work." she muttered to herself. Derek groaned, slowly opening his eyes. _Good lord._ he thought, moving his body cautiously. Quickly, he slipped his pants on. He started zipping his pants, grabbed his shirt and looked up at her. Her hair was in a mess, she brushed it out of her face.

"So...this is your place." Derek started. "We don't have to do this, you know." she said. Derek stared at her. "This whole getting to know each other thing." Derek shrugged, then nodded, starting to put on his shirt. "Ahh, I'm going to take a shower now or I'd be very late for work, which is what I don't want to be on my first day. When I'm done you wouldn't be here so"  
"Derek."  
"Meredith. Hi." They shook hands.  
"Goodbye, Derek."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**NEW YORK**

Conveniently, she slided beside him, her eyes scanning back and forth on the chart in front of her. She drew in a deep breathe and let it out again. "Ok." she said. He looked up at her.

"Ok." she repeated.  
"Ok" he echoed, did a twirling hand gesture in the air to indicate his confusion.  
"Ok." she said, again, looking up with a smile while handing the file back to the nurse. He scribbled his signature on the line at the bottom of the file and handed it over to the nurse, running after her.

"Ok, meaning..."  
"That, well. Ok. You know." Addison said, refusing to explain it in words.  
"Ok." Mark nodded, understanding her hidden meaning. "So, dinner. Tonight, my place. I'll...cook. Italian." he smiled hopefully. She shifted her weight back and forth, considering before looking up with a smile of her own. "Ok."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**SEATTLE**

"Dr. Shepherd's in charge of the case now. He's right there." Miranda Bailey said, pointing a finger towards the tall, dark haired man across the room. Meredith looked up, caught the eye of Derek and started exiting the room. Surprised to see his one night stand at the hospital he works in, he went after her, excusing himself from the other doctors. Checking to see that no body's looking, Derek dragged her into the secluded stairway.

"Dr. Shepherd." she started.  
"Dr. Shepherd?"  
"Dr. Shepherd." she repeated herself.  
"Oh, so this morning was Derek and now Dr. Shepherd?" Derek teased. "It never happened." "What never happened. You sleeping with me last night or you throwing me out this morning? Because both are fond memories I'd like to keep." Derek grinned. _I'm flirting with her. What's wrong with me?  
He's flirting with me, what's wrong with him!  
_"I'm just a girl at the bar, and you're just the guy at the bar"  
"You took advantage of me. I was looking hot in that red fannel shirt and you took advantage of me"  
"I did not take advantage of you. And you are really not that charming." "We're take advantage again, Friday night." "I am not going out with you!" Meredith exclaimed. Derek just stared at her, a teasing smile on his face.  
"Stop looking at me like that." she demanded.  
"Like what?" "Like you've seen me naked."


	9. Reality Hits

**---REALITY HITS--- (PART IX)**

_After 2 Months..._

**NEW YORK**

"Montgomery Shepherd." Addison said as she picked up the call. She couldn't be bothered to look at the caller ID before answering.  
"Addy!" the familiar voice called out from the line. Addison dropped her work at the moment and beamed.  
"Richard!" she greeted cheerfully.  
"How are you?" he asked.  
"Well, good. Good." she responded, with a phone in her hand, she started pacing around the house. Addison had a habit of multitasking especially when she's on the phone.  
"You sound exactly like Derek." Richard laughed. Addison froze for a second. _Derek? He spoke to Derek?  
_"Oh." she said, not laughing along with him.  
"Something wrong, Addy?" Richard asked with a frown.  
"Uhh.. no. Nothing. So how are you, Richard?" she asked, eager to change the topic.  
"I'm good, you know, the usual." he said, then there was a pause.  
"Addy, would you come work for me at Seattle Grace?" he asked. "I know Derek has asked you before and you turned it down, but we could really really use you"  
_Derek asked me? Since when?_ she thought. "Well--"  
"Come to Seattle. Thursday. Take a look around, then let me know." Richard interupted. Addison sighed inwardly. "Alright. I'll be there."

-----------------------

That evening, Addison flipped through her closet looking for something appropriate to wear. She and Mark are going for a movie, then supper tonight, and she has to break the news to Mark--that she will be going to Seattle. Seattle, which is where Derek went to, where Derek_ ran_ to. She was going to have to ask around, see how he's doing, everything.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**SEATTLE**

"Derek. Can I speak with you for a moment?" Richard asked when he saw Derek walking by his office. Derek, taken by surprise, entered his office. "Sure, what's up Chief"  
"Sit." Richard gestured to the chair in front of his desk.  
"Ok." Derek settled down opposite him, crossing his leg.  
"Something happened between you and Addison." Richard said, going straight to the point.  
"Seriously? You dragged me in here just to ask me that?" Derek raised an eyebrow. Richard folded his arms in front of his chest,the look on his facetold Derek that he's waiting for a respond, an explanation.  
"Yes, something happened between me and my wife. She cheated on me." he said, now his turn to lean back on the chair.  
"Nothing is impossible to fix, Derek."  
Derek stood up from the chair. "Have a nice day, Chief." he said, and walked out of the office.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**NEW YORK**

Addison leaned against Mark's broad chest as they strolled hand in hand down the street after the movie. "I'm going to Seattle." Addison blurted out.

"Are you going to ask me along?" Mark teased, stroking her hair. Addison stopped and looked up at him. "I'm serious, Mark. I'm going to Seattle. My ex-boss called. He wants me to work for him, I told him I'll be there to see how things are before making my decision." she explained. Mark brushed the hair out of her face that were brought in by the night breeze. "Derek's there." she said softly. Mark drew in a sharp breathe and looked away. Addison took a slight step back and hugged herself. "I'm bringing the divorce papers to Derek." she said. After a short moment, Mark nodded. "Alright."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**SEATTLE**

It was eight thirty in the evening when she arrived, her red hair in perfect curls, she wore a black coat and a pair of heels, her lipstick was redder than ever. She looked professional. _Seattle Grace Hospital_. the large, sign said, with big, block letters plastered over the brick wall at the entrance. She walked in through the main sliding door, taking a glance around the surroundings. _Not bad._ And that was when she saw him. He was there, adjusting the coat of a young, blonde girl while she reach up to adjust his tie. Then, he turned around, catching the sight of her red hair. It was definitely someone he knows, someone who he has been avoiding all morning. Someone that brought everything that he tried to forget, back. He turned to the girl beside him.

"I'm so sorry, Meredith." Derek apologised. Meredith frowned, confused by his sudden apology that came out of the blue. Then, she turned to where Derek was looking at. There stood a beautiful, tall woman with perfect hair, perfect body and perfect everything. She walked towards them, stopping in front of Derek and Meredith. Addison and Derek exchanged smiles for a brief moment before she turned to Meredith. "Hi," she said, stretching out a hand for a handshake. Meredith took it. "I'm Addison Montgomery-Shepherd." she introduced herself.

"Shepherd?" Meredith asked weakly.  
"So, you must be the woman who's been screwing with my husband."


	10. Jealousy

**---JEALOUSY--- (PART X)**

"Addison, what are you doing here?" Derek asked flatly, now with Meredith out of sight. She had ran out in anger and confusion upon Addison's arrival.  
"Your hair's different." she said, purposely avoiding his question. "Alot of things are different"  
"It's longer. I like it. It's very...Russell Crowe. " she said, reaching up to touch his hair. Derek shifted, ducking away from her touch.  
"What are you doing here!" he asked again.  
"What are_ you _doing here? You just pick up and leave everything? Your house, your practice, your friends? You had a life in Manhattan." she said, her voice soft, not competing with his volume.  
"Had." he pointed out.  
"And now you have a girlfriend in Seattle." she continued. "She seems...sweet."  
"And that's wrong?" he asked, starting to walk away.  
"She's young." Addison retorted, causing her husband to stop in tracks and turned around. "The whole wide-eye 'Ooo he's a brain surgeon' thing happening." she taunted, turning around to face Derek. "But still, sweet. Which is what you're going for, right? The anti-Addison?"  
"If you came out here to try to win me back, you can forget about it." he spat out.  
"I did." she raised an eyebrow and started walking towards Derek. "I flew all the way across the country. Remmiscing our wedding photos, get drunk, fall out of bed and make you realise you can't live without me." Derek stared at her, saying nothing in response. "Relax, Derek. I'm here for work." she explained. "I'm helping the TTTS case you guys admitted last week. After Richard's briefing I should be"  
"Richard knew you're coming out here?" he cut her off.  
"He asked me to come. Didn't he tell you?" she looked up at him. _He called me, he said Derek's in Seattle. Derek should have been informed.  
_"No he didn't." he said firmly.  
"Hmm. What a surprise." she said as a matter of factly, then made her way closer towards Derek, but only to brush by his shoulder from the side. She stopped, leaned in, her voice dropped into a whisper as she breathed into Derek's ear. He stayed, not moving back. "The hair though." she said. "You know I always have a thing for Russell Crowe." With that, Addison walked out of the hospital, leaving Derek to stare after her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That night, Addison returned to her hotel and replayed the image of watching Derek and Meredith in the hospital. She tossed her bag on the bed with a sigh, turning on the radio for classical music to flow into her ears. She sat down in front of the dresser and took off her earrings, putting them neatly in her jewelery box. _Why that feeling?_ she asked herself, looking at her reflection in the mirror in front of her. She sighed, grabbing a scrunchie to secure her hair into a messy bun. Pulling her nightgown out of her luggage, Addison headed straight into the bathroom, adjusting the heater to the temperature of her liking and stepped into the shower. The hot water spilt down her face as she tilted her head up, closed her eyes to welcome the heat. She rubbed her face gently, then a hand reached behind to undo the bun, causing her red hair to fall over her shoulders. _Oh god. Do I still love him?_ she thought suddenly, her green eyes snapping open. The water continue to carass her body. _But what about the times I had spent with Mark?_ Addison shut her eyes with a sigh again, pushing the thought out of her mind. She brushed her wet hair out of her face, turned off the water briefly and reached out for the shampoo. She didn't need to, not right now.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The alarm clock rang at 6am in the morning. Addison bolted up in bed, pushing her blindfold up in her hair and slumped her hands back on to the bed with a sigh. She pulled the blindfold off her head and slipped out of bed, pulling a bathrobe around her body. "Yay to first day at work." she mumbled under her breathe.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Knowing that Richard is under observation after his brain surgery, Addison went straight looking for the temporarily chief of surgery--Preston Burke. She turned the knob to the chief's office door after knocking briefly. Addison was already dressed, wearing her salmon scrubs from Manhattan and a white coat loaned from Seattle Grace. Her red hair was let down in perfect curls. "Dr. Burke." she greeted with a smile, standing by the doorway. Preston looked up. "Ahh, good morning. Addison Montgomery Shepherd, is it? Come in." he beckoned, shutting the file in front of him and pushed up his glasses. Addison entered, closing the door behind her. She sat down onto the chair opposite of Preston as he gestured towards it.

"I need a favour."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sorry to interupt, Dr. Burke." she greeted the temporarily chief cheerfully, purposely interupting as she saw Derek and him engaged in a conversation.  
"You're never interupting." Preston reassured her.  
"She's always interupting." Derek grumbled. Preston casted Derek a brief glance while Addison purposefully ignored his comment and went on.  
"I was just checking if Dr. Burke's secured the--"

"Intern you requested." a new voice interupted. Derek looked up at the familiar voice. Meredith had her hands shoved in her labcoat's front pockets, stopping in front of Addison. Her eyes shifted briefly to Prestonwith acknowledgement. "He did."

_What!_ Derek thought, his eyes shifted from Meredith to Addison, then looking up at Preston. _Unbelievable!_ he grumbled mentally as Preston simply walked away.

_Now I can see what Derek sees in her. _Addison thought as a smile crept across her face.


	11. Resurfacing the Wounds

**---RESURFACING THE WOUNDS--- (PART XI)**

The ultrasound scanner moved back and forth over the abdomen of the patient, lying on the bed her eyes flickering towards the screen in hope that the surgery went through successfully. Previously, they had found that the twins in her womb are suffering from heart failure, and have to be operated on immediately.  
"And, my babies?" the patient asked.  
"Your babies are doing very well." Addison reassured her with a smile. "And Dr. Grey will be back to check on you a little bit later." she finished off, standing up from the edge of the bed.  
"Actually--I'll prefer it if Dr. Grey were taken off the case." the patient requested, catching Addison's attention. She looked up. "Why? Is there a problem?" she asked, looking to Meredith briefly.  
"She just remind me of someone I don't like very much." the patient said, shifting slightly in her bed as she eyed Meredith. "But someone my husband would like very much. Particularly in lingerie. You understand." she said, her gaze fell onto Addison. "No--no, I don't understand." Addison frowned. "Well, she's sleeping with your husband, right?" The patient reconfirmed, recalling the conversation she overheard before her surgery. Then it was when Addison understood what was going on. Rumours, they do spread quicker than disease.  
"Mrs. Philips," she started. "I like Dr. Grey's class and patience so let me set the record straight. My husband didn't cheat on me, I cheated on him. So the wronged woman here, Dr. Grey. So, I think you owe her one hell of an apology." she said firmly, then without another word, Addison walked out of the room, leaving Meredith stunned by what she heard.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meredith pulled her car in front of Derek's trailer, spotting him sitting by the pouch, drinking. She climbed out of her vehicle and leaned against it, folding her arms across her chest. "So, she's the one who cheated." she said as-a-matter-of-factly. Derek looked up grimly at her. The expression on Meredith's face wasn't a sympathetic one, but one that demanded an explanation.

"One night, I parked my car, go inside my house, and something's different." Derek started, looking up to Meredith. She unfolded her arms and shoved her hands into her coat pockets, waiting for Derek to go on. "Nothing's different. Everything's the same, but yet--something's different." he paused, but Meredith nodded, encouraging him to go on. "And I stand there for awhile, and then I know." he said, nodding to himself this time. "See there are moments for me, usually when I'm in the OR, when I just know what's going to happen next." he explained, taking a swig from the green glass bottle in his hands. Meredith sighed and headed towards Derek, settling down on the steps next to him. "So when I walk up to the hall, preparing myself for what I'm going to see when I go into my bedroom, I step into a man's jacket that doesn't belong to me." he said, handing another bottle to Meredith. She took it, but did not drink it. "And everything I think I know, just shifts. And what I know now is that when I go into my bedroom, I'm not just going to see that my wife is cheating on me. I'm going to see my wife is cheating on me, with Mark. Who happen to be with my best friend." Derek lifted up the bottle in his hands and took another gulp. "This is just so pedestrain. And cruel. Mostly just cruel. I left and came out here."

Meredith just stared at him. "And you met me." she said. "And I met you." Meredith shook her head and headed back to her car, but stopped halfway and turned around to face him. "Well what was I to you?" she asked. "The girl you screwed to get over being screwed?"

"You were like coming out from fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me." he explained with a shrug. "That's all I know." Meredith's gaze fell down to the ground for a moment before she lifted her eyes to meet Derek's. "It's not enough." she replied flatly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Stop." Meredith said, spotting Derek behind the pillar. Derek frowned. "What?" he asked, falling behind Meredith as she started walking away from him and towards the hospital's entrance. "You're stalking me. Stop it!" she said. Derek shook his head in disbelief. "Didn't we not communicate last night? Did you hear what I was saying?" he asked.

"Yes, your wife screwed your best friend." Meredith said, not bothering to slow down or turn back to look at Derek.  
"And then, from that point on she no longer existed to me anymore." he said, picking up his speed as he chased after her.  
"C'mon, I bared my soul to you last night." he said.  
"It's not enough." she insisted.  
"How can that be not enough?" he asked, still confused, unwilling to back down. Meredith stopped in front of the hospital entrance, finally turning aroudn to face Derek.  
"When you waited 2 months to tell me, and I had to find out by her showing up all leggy and fabulous and telling me herself--you pulled the plug. I'm a sink with an open drain. Anything you say runs right out. There is no enough!" she yelled, then turned and walked through the entrance without waiting for Derek to respond.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison walked by the hall, a chart in her hands. She looked up, spotting Meredith Grey down the hallway. "Dr. Grey, may I speak with you for a moment?" she asked, continue walking away, then stopped and turn around when she notice that Meredith wasn't following. Meredith turned to her resident expectedly, but Miranda simply raise an eyebrow. "Don't look at me for help." she shrugged. Meredith sighed and made her way towards Addison as the two started walking casually down the hallway.

"I assumed he told you why he left me?" Addison asked, neither of them was willing to meet each other's eyes. Meredith sighed, walking around Addison and stopped in front of her. "Dr. Shepherd, with all due respect, this has nothing to do with me." she said, then started walking away. But Addison followed, wanting more information.

"Really?" she asked. "So you didn't take him back. Good girl." Meredith casted a glance towards Addison. "And in future, I'd appreciate it if we could keep our relationship strictly professional." Once again, she started walking away. "Meredith." Addison called out, stopping the intern in her tracks. Meredith turned around, allowing Addison to continue. "Sometimes people do desperate things to get some other's attention." iSeriously/i Meredith thought, shaking her head and started walking away. "There are two sides to every story!" Addison called after her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The elevator door opened, the passengers got off, leaving Derek alone inside as Addison entered.

"Just when the day was improving." Derek grumbled. Addison ignored his comment and went on with her own concerns.  
"You told Meredith what happened?" she asked, trying to contain her disbelief. "I did? What did you tell her"  
"Sometimes people do desperate things to attract attention"  
"What! Wow, what is the meaning of this? Did I not pay you enough attention?" he said, folding his arms in front of his chest. "Is that why you were thinking of getting naked with my best friend?"

Addison sighed, leaning forward and pressed a button on the lift. "No, Derek. At that point I wasn't thinking at all. At that point I was just scratching an itch. We got so successful, you and me. We got busy and we got lazy. We didn't even bother to fight anymore, Derek. And Mark was there, and I missed you. But now I'm sorry, I'm more sorry than I could even imagine but at least I"m talking to you about it!" she said. Derek simply gave her an uninterpretable look as the lift door opens, he started walking out. "I'm a sink with an open drain, Hunny." he replied, giving a tight smile to his wife before walking away.


	12. Realization

**---REALIZATION-- (PART XII)**

Addison entered the NICU and looked up at, spotting her husband in the room. She smiled fondly at the sight of him. Earlier this morning, they had caused an intern to witness an argument between them, that went from declaring the baby non-surgical to their own personal problems. Calmly, Addison walked over and checked the baby's health status.  
"Look at that, BP's stablising." she reported, an attempt to make a casual conversation with what they have in common at the moment--medicine.  
"Hmm.. she's stronger since this morning. There's no way in the world why she should be stronger since this morning." Derek said, shaking his head as he settled down on the armchair in the room.  
"She's really beautiful isn't she?" Addison commented, putting a hand into the incubator and stroked the baby's tiny hand.  
"Tell you what, if she makes it through the night, if she's got a little bit more strength, we'll operate." Addison turned around and cast him a grateful smile. He looked up from the chart in his hands and gave her a smile in return.  
_This is the perfect opportunity. Don't let it go by._ she thought to herself.  
"You know, the way I see it we could deal with us in one of three ways." Addison started, heading towards her husband. "Option one, I could apologize, you could forgive me, and come home, and we could move on with our lives like adults. Or option two, I could apologise, you could forgive me, come home... But, you could bring it up to use against me whenever we argue."  
"Are you trying to be funny?" Derek laughed. Addison laughed softly in return, leaning her hands against the arms of the chair Derek sat on and looked down on him.  
"Satan has a sense of humour" she shrugged.  
"What's the third?" he pushed on, intrigged. "I don't know what the third option is--" she said softly, leaning down to plant her lips onto her husband's. Surprisingly, Derek kissed back. Their lips parted, the kiss deepens, lasting for a moment. Slowly, Addison pulled back, her eyes locking onto his. "I just know I still love you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She walked out of the room, confused by what she just did. She turned a corner and stopped, leaning against the wall. Thoughts are running through her head. Yes, she wanted her husband back. But why? She had no idea. Maybe it's because of Meredith, maybe she wanted a little competition. Addison had always been one for competition. But after what happened, she realised the real reason of why she wanted Derek back--she is still in love with him. Addison touched her lips subconsciously, but just for a brief moment. She forced herself out of the daze and headed off to check on her next patient.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After his shift, Derek exited the hospital, stopping at the sight of Meredith's backview. She was sitting by the bench. Her shoulders heaved up and down, soft sobbings escaped her throat as she tried the best to hide them. "Meredith?" he called out, taking a few steps forward towards the bench. She didn't turn around, she didn't respond. "Meredith." he tried again. "Don't." she warned, responding this time, her voice quivered. "Please, please just don't say anything." she cried, wiping tears away from her cheek.

"Ok." he promised, nodding, waiting for her to be ready. Meredith drew in a deep breathe and made her way to in front of Derek. She shook her head, then looked up into his eyes with her tear-stained ones. "I'm just exhausted." she said. "My mother's exhausting. What happened to Cristina, and you. Hating you is the most exhausting." she took a large step forward and kissed him on the lips. "And I don't wanna do it any more."

He stood there, speechless, watching as Meredith disappeared into the elevator to attended to her responsibilities. He smiled, only to himself._ She doesn't hate me for not telling her. That's good, right?_ Derek looked to across the street and eyed the flashing neosign of Joe's back. With a sigh, he towards it, his suitcase swinging in one arm. Derek entered and scanned the bar but failed to see anyone he knows except for Miranda. He walked up to her and settled down on the stool beside her.

"My wife kissed me." he said. "My wife and my girlfriend kissed me on the same night"  
Miranda stared at him, then looked up at the bartender. "Do I look friendly to you, Joe?" she asked, taking a sip from her glass.  
"No, you definitely don't." Joe said with a laugh, then pouring Derek a drink. Derek placed his suitcase on the bar and lifted up the drink, taking a gulp. He looked down with a sigh. "Everything's going to be alright, right? Addison will go back to New York, then Meredith and I can start over again. Right?" he asked, turning to Miranda, as though for a confirmation. Instead, she just laughed and shook her head. "You're so damn stupid."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Derek, you are going to forgive me eventually, right?" Addison asked, walking towards him instead of back into the elevator that she meant to take. "I mean, you thought of me as your best friend once upon a time, right?" she challenged. Derek jerked his head back. "Once upon a time I had thought of you as the love of my life. But not anymore." he said through gritted teeth. At that, Addison felt a stab in her heart. Holding back her emotions, she pulled out an envelope from her bag and handed it to Derek, not wanting to meet his eyes. Derek just stared after Addison as he took over the envelope. He regconised the look all too well, it was the look where she was about to break down but is containing her emotions. "What is this?" He said, pushing on. He didn't care if she were to cry, or be on the verge of crying. She had hurt him too much for him to want to care. Addison took a deep breathe and turned to Derek.

"Divorce papers." she said flatly. "If you sign, I'll sign. It's your call. And if you do sign, I'll be on the first flight home tomorrow morning." she said, her eyes shifting around, still not wanting to look into Derek's. It hurted too much to do that. _But I still have Mark back home, it's worth it, right? Besides, it's not like what Mark and I shared isn't something. It is something. It's over with Derek._ she consoled herself. Derek laughed, pulling a pen out from the pocket of his scrubs. "I'll sign it right now. I want you out of here as soon as possible." _Good god. At least she mentioned it. Well whatever, right? I don't have any feelings for her anymore, she don't exist to me. She cheated on me._ Derek thought to himself. Addison bit her lower lip and turned away. The elevator bell rang, the doors opened in front of her. She started to enter, then stopped and turned around, a hand pressing against the door before it closes completely. "Derek, have you ever thought that even though I'm an adulterous bitch and Satan, that I might still be the love of your life?" she asked, her gaze lingering onto Derek, their eyes locked this time. That caught his attention. He froze, looking lovingly into his wife's eyes, once again mesmerized by her beauty like the other night in the NICU. Addison didn't say another word, but re-entered the elevator, leaving the doors to close. Derek stared down at the divorce papers with a sigh. _Do I still think of her as the love of my life? Is that why I kissed her back in the NICU?_


	13. Choices

**---CHOICES--- (PART XIII)**

Derek twirled the pen in his hand while glaring down at the divorce paper in front of him. His shift was over, his surgical team, Richard's surgical team had probably all left the hospital. Which is good, because then no one else would disturb him. Or at least, no one he knows, and no one who knows about his problem. Earlier on in surgery, somehow, he could feel Addison looking down at him in the OR gallery, and when he look up, she was there. And Meredith. Meredith who said she wanted out of the relationship, out of the 'mess', had declared her love for him. The speech she gave was cute. Very cute. Needy, but cute. And Addison will never do that. No, not over her dead body. Derek chuckled at the thought of that--Addison standing in front of him, telling him to pick her, that she will give him the last piece of cheese cake, that she will stand outside his house with a radio above her head. No, she wouldn't do that. They will be snatching for the last piece of cheese cake, trying to eat it from each other's mouths. And only him, the fool, will stand outside her house with a radio above his head.

He looked up, checking the time. Eight o'clock. Meredith had said to meet him at the bar across the hospital if he were to sign the paper. Derek looked down at the papers again. Staring back at him was the two empty lines where they have to sign. "Addison Montgomery Shepherd." he whispered to himself, shaking his head. _Meredith. Addison. Meredith. Addison. Meredith..._ Derek rubbed his face with his hands and let out a breathe. Was he ready to let go of 11 years of marriage and start over? Was it worth letting go? Was he ready to let go of Addison? Was he?

_Am I?_ he asked himself.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, have you seen the other Dr. Shepherd?" Addison asked. But the intern merely shook his head and went off. "Alright, thanks." she muttered. _Where is he?_ she needed to know if he signed it. In fact, she was prepared for him to sign it. He has a girlfriend in Seattle. Only 3 months that he's apart and he's already hooking up with someone else. Not that Addison did not, but she had a friendship with Mark, and it lead to a mistake. A mistake that may or may not be permanent, it all depends on Derek's one signature. If he signs, she goes back to New York. If he doesn't, she just have to break it off with Mark. Either way, she's breaking it off with Mark Sloan. He's not Derek. That kiss in the NICU meant something to her, and Addison only hoped, every so slightly, that it meant something to Derek too.

She heard he was in surgery, and she went, standing by the side of the OR gallery, peering down at him. And then, his working hands stopped, his eyes tore away from the plastic covered machine and he lifted his head up. He saw her. He felt her there, standing, looking at him. Like how things were in New York before their marriage start to fall apart. They would know when each other are around, and they would turn, and find each other there, and they will exchange glances like how long, married couples do. They were once best friends, best friends that turned lovers, and now... Addison didn't know what they are now.

Hours later, their shift ended. Addison had searched all floors looking for Derek. She needed to know. Richard had offered her a job here in Seattle, the pay was definitely good, and she needed to know if she should stay. If Derek signs, Addison would be going home. She didn't need to spend day after day walking through the hallways catching glimpses of him and Meredith giggling like high school lovers. If Derek signs the paper, she would go back to New York, go on with her life, and figure things out with Mark.

And when Derek was no where to be found, Addison gave up, knowing that once again, Derek Shepherd is running away from his problems. She leaned against the elevator with a sigh. _If he doesn't want to be a part of the marriage, why don't he just sign the papers and get it over and done with?_ she thought. She stepped out of the elevator as it hits the first floor. Walking out, she saw the familiar sight of Derek, sitting there, staring out of the hospital. _Is he waiting for me?_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek headed down to the first floor. He knew that Addison had one last surgery to complete before she was done for the day. He sat by the chairs outside the lift lobby facing the exit of the hospital. Derek had thought of leaving the envelope with the nurses at their station and just head off. But he decided against it. He needed the a few more moments to think, to rethink his choice. Did he make the right one? 12 years ago, Derek was so sure he made the right one when he asked Addison to marry him. The elevator bell rang for the third time. This time, unlike the previous times, he turned his head. He knew, it was Addison.

Their eyes locked for a moment before Derek turned away, hearing her heels click against the shiny, hospital floor as she approach him.

"I have been looking everywhere for you." she said, stopping beside him. Derek tilted his head up, flashing her a tight smile. "You found me." he said, standing up to meet Addison's eye level.

"So have you signed the papers or not." she asked flatly, no emotion in her voice, no emotion in her eyes. Derek could smile at that. He knew all too well. Addison was shutting down her feelings so it would hurt less when the answer came. He opened his briefcase and fished out the large envelope, handing it back to his wife. There was anxiety in her eyes, preparation at the same time. Preparation for the hurting truth. Addison was prepared for the worse. Derek stood there, waiting for her to draw the papers out.

And as though Addison caught Derek's message, she fumbled with the opening of the envelope and pulled the papers out, hoping that her hands aren't giving off any signs of trembles. She held her breathe as she turned to the page where their signatures were required. It was empty. She looked up at Derek, confused.

"I didn't sign it." he stated the fact. He could swear he saw relief and happiness in her eyes. He flashed her another smile, then started to Joe's. He needed to tell Meredith. But how, he didn't know.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She hailed a cab, hands clutching tightly at the brown envelope as she sat on the leather seat. "Where to, Miss?" the driver asked. Addison snapped out of her shock and swallowed. "Uhmm, The Sorrento Hotel."

The night lights of the town sped by, but her eyes were fixed to the front, her mind whirling. _He didn't sign it._ she thought. _Why?_ Honestly, Addison didn't know the answer. She would have said that because Derek still love her, but how could he? After she cheated on him with his best friend? Or was Meredith just a fling? A revenge to get back at her to show her how much it hurts to see someone you love with another person?

Upon arrival, she paid the driver and headed straight up to her room, settling down on the edge of her bed with a sigh._ I have to do this._ she thought, almost reluctantly. But it was a choice she has to make. Flipping open her cellphone, she dialed the number that had snuck into her memory over the past 3 months.

"Hello, Mark?"


	14. Compromises

**---COMPROMISES--- (PART XIV)**

It was a deal. Ok, not quite a deal. An agreement, more like it, that the both of them are to go for marriage counselling. It was the same marriage counsellor that Adele and Richard Webber went to for a period of time. "To make things work, you need a non-bias third party to listen to the problems you have." Adele had said.

Their appointment was at 8am this morning. Richard had excused the both of them to report to work a little later, completely aware of their situation. Addison applied one last coat of red to her lips and started out of her hotel room. Today was definitely not going to be a good morning. Marriage counselling was something she definitely wanted, but not Derek. It was only under Adele's and Richard's persuation that Derek agreed to do this whole couples' theraphy thing to try to make things work. She hailed a cab and allow the yellow vehicle to take her to the building she dreaded. _Why can't we have it in the afternoon?_ she thought, already hating the idea of starting her morning with a quarrel with her husband. A quarrel, an argument, words firing at one another with neither of them willing to back down. It was something that's completely inevitable.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek slipped on a pair of jeans, his black shoes and a neat enough top. He didn't care if he looked weird wearing those. He knows Addison always told him it was bad fashion style if he were to wear polished black shoes, jeans and an appropriate looking shirt with a leather coat over it. And he was going to wear just that to piss her off. What is a better way to start a morning than to piss her off? He had chose not to sign the papers, because he knows he wasn't ready to let go of Addison. But what he was still unsure of is whether he still love her the way he did back before everything happened. Addison wanted counselling, and he knows it very well even when she didn't bring it up. Derek could see her eyes lit up with hope when Adele brought up the idea of counselling again when the Webbers were informed that Addison and him are not getting a divorce.

Adele and Richard were like Derek's and Addison's second parents, they invite them over for Sunday dinners, they give them advices, and they certainly will make sure that Derek and Addison do the right thing.And because of that,Derekdefinitely didn't want to imagine how things would be with them if he had signed the divorce papers and continue his relationsihp with Meredith.

After a few minutes' drive, Derek parked his jeep at the parking lot, getting off and heading towards the tall building across the street. And there, right in front of the building, a yellow cab pulled over. Derek didn't need to see who was inside to know that in the next few seconds, Addison would be getting out of that vehicle. And he was right.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison stood in the lobby, her eyes drifting up to the numbers now and then, waiting for one of the lifts to decend down. She checked her watch once again to make sure she was just on time. She didn't want to seem too eager to have arrived extra early, but at the same time, she don't want to give off the impression that she didn't want this marriage to work out by arriving late.

The sliding doors to the building's entrance opened, sending in a gust of warm air. Addison felt her muscles stiffened. _Derek._ she thought, already sensing his presence without turning around to look. Footsteps neared her, the whiff of his cologne travelled to her nose, the scent familiar to her. Derek stood there, a clear distance away from Addison, his eyes wandering around in pretendance that he did not see her.

"Good morning." she greeted, without turning to face him. Derek cleared his throat. "Uhm.. Morning." he said, almost half-sincere. The lift in front of them opened.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

There was the expected, inevitable argument. However, their marriage counsellor had been calm, nodding, taking in their anger and frustration towards each other. And when they start to interupt one another, he held out his hands. "Ok." he said, calmly at first. But the couple continued to argue amongst themselves. "Ok!" he tried, louder this time.

Then, Addison and Derek quietened down. The counsellor gestured to Derek first. "What do you want her to do?" he asked. Derek's eyes flickered to his wife for a moment then turned back to the counsellor. "I want her to move to Seattle." he said firmly. Addison let out a laugh of disbelief. "Oh that is--" she started, then stopped when the counsellor held his hand out. "What do _you_ want him to do?" he asked. Addison looked firmly to the counsellor, thought for a moment then said. "I want him to stop talking to Meredith."

"Alright. Your session for today ends here. Good progress." the counsellor said, scribbling some notes down on the open file in his hands.

With a sigh, Addison and Derek stood up, thanked him briefly and headed out. Their ride in the elevator was silent with the exception of the soft, classical music that filled up the small space. They headed out, walking side by side towards the exit without a word to each other, not even a brief glance to the other. Then Addison stopped by the sidewalk, watching as Derek crossed the road towards the parking lot. She tried not to stare at him, her eyes flickering back and forthfrom the passing vehicles and her husband's back view. He's _not going to drive me there._ she had assumed.

Derek stopped at the opposite side of the road, his head bowed down with a sigh. Then, he turned around, watching as the beatiful redhead that he once called the love of his life trying to flag down a cab. And just when she was about to lift up her arm to wave, he shouted across the street.

"Addison!" She looked up, allowing the yellow vehicle to pass her without stopping.  
"C'mon!" he said, waving an arm in a beckoning motion. "I'll drive you to the hospital."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Richard was serious. He wanted Addison on his team, because she's definitely the best. Having four titles does count. And Addison had told him she would think about it. She had her marriage back, Derek and herself are working on it, but she definitely wasn't planning on staying in the hotel forever, or buying an apartment. Seattle wasn't her place, Manhattan was. That city life was her style, not pubs with flashing neolights and sticky floors.

Today was yet another day it where they start off their morning with the marriage counsellor. _"I want her to move to Seattle."_ he had requested. She knew he would like it here. Back then, it was because of her that they moved to New York. Derek wanted to stay in Boston but she had hated the pace of life there.

This time, she didn't meet Derek at the lift lobby. In fact, he was slightly late. She sat there, swinging her legs lightly as she waited with the counsellor in silence. Then, the door behind her creak open.

"Sorry, I'm late."

It was Derek. Addison simply nodded, briefly, not turning back to look at him. As Derek settled down onto the armchair beside her, the counsellor flipped open the file, their file. "Alright, who's going to start first?" he asked, leaning back in his own chair. Addison propped her body up immediately, signalling that she wanted to go first. A smile hung on her face.

"I've decided to move to Seattle." she said cheerfully.

_What!_ Derek thought, turning to Addison in shock. He had expected her to make a fuss, throw a tantrum about how city life is so much better and how it is impossible for them to live in a place like Seattle. Addison could feel his eyes on her, the vibes of surprise and shock emitting from his body. But she simply smiled. The counsellor turned expectantly to Derek, expecting him to say something, or come up with a compromise. Addison had agreed to his wants, now it's his turn.

"Meredith wouldn't be a problem anymore." he simply said. The counsellor slapped their file shut and crossed his legs. "Well, that's a big progress for you two. Good job!" he congratulated them. Addison turned to Derek with a smile. "Well, that's what marriage is about. Compromises." she said, holding a hand out to him.

Derek looked down at her hand, unsure on whether to take it or not. Then before he could make a decision, Addison pulled it away, awkward. They both flash the counsellor a smile to cover the moment. Then Derek held out his hand towards his wife. Her fingers twirled around one another awkwardly, her eyes flickered towards his outstretch hand but did not take it.

It was just the beginning of a long road to recovery.


	15. Working it Out

**---WORKING IT OUT--- (PART XV)**

She sat there by the table, her back leaned against the wall as she flipped through the magazine, still deciding on what gifts to get for Derek's sisters, and her family. The gifts are to be ordered, and shipped all the way back to New York, where their friends and family stayed. Derek couldn't care less about what Addison would give to his mother, or his sisters, or their friends. Addison had practically picked out all the gifts every single year for 10 of the 11 years of their marriage. One year they had a bet, that Derek were to pick out the gifts for their friends and family for Christmas and see if they liked it. They did, or so they say they did. But Derek could tell from their faces that it was a different expression from when they open up the gifts picked out by Addison. She won the bet. And for the whole of next month, Derek had to take out the garbage.

The bells rang, announcing the arrival of another customer. This time, Addison looked up from her magazine, greeting her husband with a smile. "Hey." she said sweetly, watching as Derek sat down by the table beside her. There's something different about Derek's expression that night, and no matter how many times Derek had insisted that things are fine between them, Addison knew they are not. She reached closed her magazine and leaned forward. "What is it, Derek. Christmas has always been our favourite holiday."

Derek looked away with a sigh, taking a sip from the ice water. He shifted his gaze away from his wife, preparing himself for what will come after he revealed the truth to her. "I'm not saying this because I want to leave you, I don't. But Christmas is a day you want to spend it with someone you love. Meredith wasn't revenge, it wasn't a fling. I fell in love with her." he blurted out, taking a gulp from the water. He turned away, he couldn't watch Addison's reaction. But he had to tell her the truth.

Will it help the wounds to heal faster? Neither of them knew. That was the first Christmas they spend away from each other.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Move in with me." Derek blurted out. They were standing by the nurses station flipping through the charts of their patients on a Wednesday afternoon. Addison looked up. "What?" Derek couldn't place an emotion to her voice. Shock? Surprise? A pleasant one? He really couldn't tell. They handed both made notes on the chart and handed it back to the nurses. Derek turned to face his wife briefly. "I said, move in with me." he repeated.

"You have a place to stay?" she asked, unsure of what to say. _Of course he has a place to stay! Why else would he ask you?_ she scolded herself.  
"Yes." Derek said, now standing in front of Addison in the middle of the hallway. "You can't keep staying at a hotel. I have a place to stay, move in with me." he said, then started towards the lift lobby.

The lift opened, the passangers stepped off and the two stepped in. Derek reached out and pressed the button to the floor he was heading too. The door slided shut, they had their privacy. "Why?" Addison couldn't help but ask after a moment of silence. The lift stopped on Derek's floor, its doors slided open. There wasn't anything Derek could say to satisfy her question. He simply shrugged, then turn to her with a smile. "Why not?" And just seconds after he stepped out, he heard her voice.

"Okay!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You gave up brownstone to come live in a forest!" Addison shrieked in disbelief as they pulled over near the trailer that Derek had been staying in. Derek laughed, heaving her luggage off the car and carried them into the trailer. "Never thought it would be so true when you said I was a flannel wearing, woodchopping fisherman, did you?" Playfully, Addison shoved a fist into Derek's forearm.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The trailer was crammy, it was something Addison definitely didn't like. Their bed wasn't as big as it was back in New York, but she has to learn to live with it. It's a way of compromise, she had told herself. Derek had chose to stay with her, to try and work things out and try to forgive her. This is the price she had to pay. Her head was bent down, the hair dryer in her hands moving back and forth above her red hair, blowing the moisture in her hair away. The trailer door opened, Derek walked in heavily, making his way towards her.

"I got a trout!" he chirped. Addison flipped her hair back and turned to face him, then let out a shriek at the sight of a large fish in his hands. "Rainbow trout." he specified. He shook his head and walked back to the kitchen that was about three metres away from the bedroom, placing the fish gently into the basin, his wet boots leaving marks on the floor.

"Why did you bring a trout into the house?" Addison demanded.  
"Trailer." Derek corrected. She rolled her eyes with a sigh. "Why did you bring a rainbow trout into the _trailer_?"  
"Breakfast." he said, turning to open the refrigerator.  
"Breakfast." she repeated flatly. "Yea!" he confirmed. "You hungry?"  
"For trout!" Addison asked, finding it more than just ridiculous. _Trout? For breakfast?_  
"Yah!" Derek confirmed again, a grin on his face as he bend down to grab another ingredient he needed for breakfast. Addison gritted her teeth. Then, she looked up to him. "I hate this, Derek!" she said, making her way towards him in her soft bedroom slippers. "I--urgh!" she shouted, turning around to untangle herself from the wire of the hairdryer. "I hate this!" she shook the hairdryer at him. "Hate, hate! I hate this trailer!" she said, walking into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

"No trout for you, then."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She pulled her car over and started walking up the trailer.

"Cooking the trout outside!" he announced, gesturing to the smoking fish next to him. "Thank you." she said, making her way up the steps and sat down on the chair he had pulled out for her. She sighed, putting her briefcase under the chair.

"There is a land called passive aggressiva... And I am their queen." she said flatly. Derek laughed. "That's all I'm saying." he lifted up the bottle and took a sip. Addison smiled, leaning towards her husband for the bottle in his hands. He handed it over and she took a sip.

"So, this thing with Meredith." she started, handing the bottle back to him. "Am I suppose to wait it out? Wait until it passes?" she asked. Derek studied her expression as she looked away. He knew she wanted him to say no, to say that he will cut Meredith out from his life once and for all, for real. But he couldn't do that. He still has feelings for Meredith, and she has to acknowledge that, she has to deal with it, whether she like it or not.

"That would be good." he said softly, finishing the remains of the liquid in the bottle.


	16. Past Haunts

**A/N : **I will be writing the follow chapter of the scenes that did not appear in the episode "Yesterday." So whatever happens in the show, still happens. If that made sense. **

* * *

**

**---PAST HAUNTS--- (PART XVI)**

_That would be good._ Addison thought, still annoyed at the way Derek had decided to put things between them. Things _are_ getting better between them, but she could still see it in Derek's eyes when he look at Meredith. It annoyed her, but she knew she had to wait it out. It was her fault partially, especially for sleeping with Mark. But it's not entirely her fault, didn't Derek know that? And how on earth was it possible to fall in love with someone over knowing them for three months? Addison wedge the clip between her lips as she combed part of her hair up, leaving the rest to fall around her shoulders.

There was the sound of feet shuffling as Derek made his way from their bedroom to the refrigerator, bending down to grab the can of sardines before he shut the magnetic door close.  
"Morning." Addison greeted, turning around to face him with a smile. Derek looked through the clump of messy hair to Addison with a grin and gave her a peck on the cheeks.  
"Morning. You're up early." he said, noticing that she was all dressed up and ready while opening the can of packed sardines.  
"Want some?" he asked, emptying the can food onto a porcelain plate before shoving it into the microwave. Addison shook her head and fasted the clip around the cluster of hair she gathered in her hands.

"I have to get to work early. There's a patient that I need to check on." she said, sliding an arm into the black coat. "Coffee's in the pot." she instructed, reaching out to grab her bag from the couch, then lean forward to her husband as their lips met briefly.

"Thanks!" Derek called out just as Addison closed the door behind her, heading out to her car.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison pulled her car into the parking lot as she looked at herself one last time in the review mirror before sliding out of the car. Her heels clicked on the rough pavement as she made her way towards the hospital entrance. From afar, she could hear Izzie's voice laughing away, followed by George's and Meredith's. _God, I hope I wouldn't bump into them._ she thought, quickening her pace. But unfortunately, like fate had to play with their lives just to torture them now and then, Addison found herself stepping into the elevator with the three interns.

"Good morning, Dr. Montgomery Shepherd." George had greeted from behind, Izzie followed up quickly. Then, Meredith greeted her, almost hesitantly. Addison turned around to them with a nod.  
"Good morning." she said. And thankfully, the elevator opened up to the floor of the interns' locker room after a short, awkward moment of silence.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek pushed open the door to the room as the intern glance up at him. "What have we got here?" he asked, making his way to in front of the opened file, his eyes shifting back and forth as he read the patient's chart. The intern started to open his mouth to explain but thought better of it when the doctor himself was analysing the chart, a pen spinning in his hand as his eyes drifted to the end of the paper.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison clipped the pager back to the side of her grey skirt as her heels clicked along the hospital floor. She turned a corner, her head buried in the chart opened in her hands as her eyes scanned the last paragraph of the paperwork. She shut the file, then froze in her tracks as she heard a familiar voice. Low, husky and sexy. One she haven't heard in months. She looked up, her suspicion confirmed as she saw the ragged looking man standing right next to the blonde intern that hated her. _Mark._ she thought, her eyes fixed onto the situation as Meredith looked up to him with a flirty smile. _What is he doing here?_ she thought, actually wondering if she should take a detour around the hospital to avoid him. There is no need for him to see her, and definitely no need for Derek to see the both of them anywhere near each other. The past had hurted them, and sleeping with Mark was definitely a mistake. She had learnt that, and she was still very much in love with Derek. But would Mark understand that?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek's hands hovered across the straight line that demanded his signature for a moment before he felt the familiar prescence of someone. Someone close to his heart. He looked up, eyes travelling straight to the redhead who stood glued to the ground, her eyes fixed onto something in a distance. Derek shifted his gaze, turning straight to the situation that had caught Addison's attention.  
"No. No no no..." he mumbled, dropping the pen on the table as he charged out of the room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Are you hitting on me?" Meredith asked, a sweet smile across her face as she looked up at the stranger. _He's got nice eyes. _she thought. "Meredith." she introduced herself, holding her hand out. The stranger held out his hand, returning his handshake, but before their hands could meet, a fist came flying straight into the side of his face.

"What the hell was that?" Meredith demanded, looking from Derek and Mark in shock.  
"That was Mark." Derek explained, shaking his fist in pain.

Addison, looking upon the situation, swallowed and walked away, knowing better than to stay. Derek threw one last glare at his ex-bestfriend and whirled around, noticing that his wife was no longer in the position he last saw her in.

"What is going on?" Richard demanded, stopping Addison in her tracks as they met along the hallway. From behind Addison, Derek held onto his hand as he headed straight to the two.  
"Chief." he greeted, wincing at the throbbing pain on his hand. Richard folded his arms in front of his chest as he turned to Addison, demanding for an answer. But instead, the redhead looked away uncomfortably.

"Both of you, come with me. Now." he instructed, then headed straight into the empty office.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison sat by the lunch table, actually hoping for Derek to come charging at her, sit down beside her, stomp his feet, make a huge din and yell at her. He should be pissed, Mark coming to Seattle to get her back. But no, there was no sign of him. She crossed her legs with a sigh and buried her head down into a book she had brought along with her and poke into her salad with the plastic fork.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek shoved his hand into his hair, standing by the railings as he looked down to the cafeteria. Addison was there, like he thought she would be, like he knew she would be. He looked away, gritting his teeth as he pounded a fist onto the railings, sending a vibrating 'cling' through it. Then he shook his fist, as a stinging pain shot through his hand. He wanted to go down there, he wanted to scream at her, he wanted to accuse her for being the reason that Mark came to Seattle. But he can't. Derek knew she had nothing to do with Mark's arrival this time. She said she was sorry for what she did, but it hurt. It hurt too much to look at her now with the knowledge that Mark is around the hospital, threatening to stomp on their marriage that was picking up on shaky grounds. It hurt too much to be reminded on the night he walked into the house to find his jacket on the floor, it hurt too much to push open the door to his bedroom and found his wife and Mark together, still in the thrusts. Derek turned to take one last glance at Addison, who has her head buried down into her book as she picked at the salad. He sighed. _If only we could turn back time._ he thought, walking away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Addison headed straight into the ladies, shutting herself in the cubicle after she exited the elevator. Derek didn't want to see her at all today, he didn't want to yell. He yelled, but not as much as he would have before. He called her an obligation. Doesn't he feel the way she feel about him now? Even after Mark and everything else? She placed the cover onto the toilet bowl and sat on it, leaning her head against the wall. _I will not cry._ she told herself repeatedly, but finally, she gave in a dissolve into sobs. For a long while, she stayed in there, biting her lips to silent the sobs escaping from her throat. She didn't want anyone to know she's crying, she didn't want anyone to hear her at all.

She sat there for a whole five minutes in silence as the tears that had rolled down her cheeks dried. Addison drew in a deep breathe, positive that there was no one else in the toilet before heading out of the cubicle. She dried her tears with a napkin, touched up her makeup and headed home. _Home._ she thought, almost laughing at the thought. Home to Derek is the trailer, home to Derek is the forest that he gave the brownstone up to leave in. Home.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek drove home in silence, even the station that he would turn on to listen on his way home was not playing. He didn't need to hear it, he didn't need to hear the love songs drooning out from the speakers, he didn't need to be conflicted once again by the situation of them with Mark and Meredith. No, he didn't want to think about it at all. _Mark is the past. So is Meredith._ he keep telling himself. But is it that easy to forget?

He pulled over by the trailer, sighing as he switched the engine off. The lights weren't switched on, it meant that Addison wasn't home yet. He dragged his feet towards the piece of mobile he called home, turning his key into the lock. Inside, he took a shower and lay on the bed, on his side of the bed. Derek stared up at the ceiling, willing his mind to be blank. His gaze flickered towards the thick book left by his bedstand, he picked it up, opening to the page where he had stopped. _Maybe reading would help._ he thought. But no, the words went by under his eyes, but none of them was processed into his brain. Then, the sound of a car pulled over. _Addison._ The word appeared in his mind. He wasn't ready for confrontation, he didn't want to talk to her, he didn't want to hear her explanations of why she slept with Mark.

The knob to the trailer turned, Derek duck under the covers and closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep as his wife walked in.

He could hear her sigh in the silence, he could hear her pull in a shaky breathe as she peeled off the coat, dropping it on the hanger, then headed into the bathroom.

After a whole thirty minutes that went by, Addison left the bathroom, taking a glance at the sleeping Derek and headed out of the room. She didn't need to be in the same room with him, lay in the same bed as he is in and feel him so close, yet so far apart. She didn't need to feel the hurt anymore.

She sat on the couch, a cup of coffee on the table as her fingers stroked its surface in a constant motion, comforting herself with it. She released her bottom lip from her teeth and drew in a deep breathe. Mark had told her that he'll be at Joe's, he told her that her marriage is over. But is she making the right choice for staying with Derek?

Derek opened his eyes the moment he felt his wife's prescence leave the room, the book laid opened on his stomach as he shifted himself, now propped slightly upright against the pillow on his back. Subconsciously, a hand reachd over to Addison's side of the bed, his fingers stroking the sheets. The trailer was in complete silence, even the dog wasn't making a sound. But Derek could hear her in the silence. He could hear her silent sobs, her shaky breathes, the sound of fabric rubbing against fabric as Addison shifted on the couch.

Addison stood up, emptying the remaining coffee into the sink and washed up, taking a glance into the bedroom. Did she want to go back in there? _No._ she told herself. iNot tonight./i She started towards the couch, rearranging the cushions to make herself comfortable as she planned to sleep on it for the night. Then, she heard an audible sigh.

"Addie." he called out softly. She froze, straightening herself as she headed slowly to their bedroom. She stood by the door way, their eyes locking for a brief moment. Derek could see it, her nose slightly redden, her eyes still watery with tears that threaten to fall. Addison looked away, drawing in a deep breathe again. It was taking her a lot to keep herself from breaking down in front of Derek. She didn't want him to think she was looking for sympathy, she didn't want his sympathy.

"Yea?" she asked softly.  
"Come to bed."

* * *

**A/N : **After this chapter, I'll be taking the story off the track of how the show is going and stuff. Tell me what you think about it! 


	17. Secrets

**A/N :** Ok, this chapter will be some sort of a 'reflection' from Derek and Addison, which includes the events of what happened in the show. I know I said in the previous chapter that storylines will be taken my own way from that chapter onwards but I kinda forgot about this chapter. My apologies. Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

_The elevator seems to be our place. Mine's and Meredith's, at least. Things happen between us inside. Like kissing her violently. Or at least, she dropped the files and pounced on me, but I kissed back, feeling the lust taking over me. And sniffing her hair when she said she misses me, having a flirty conversation before Addison walked in on us. Then the most recent one of her telling me not to be nice to her because she did a terrible thing. I offered up my friendship, but she declined it. I don't know why I offered up my friendship, maybe because that way I can find an excuse to talk to her, as a friend, and an excuse for myself to remind myself that she's my friend, so I can slowly get over her. I told her that we could take walks together when it's my turn to walk the dog, have breakfast, watch the dog play and talk--as friends. She told me 'We can never be friends.' But in the end, she turned up at the trail._

_It feels like I'm deceiving Addison, my wife, that I didn't tell her about it. But how am I suppose to tell her? That I'm taking morning walks with my ex-girlfriend and expect her to trust me? It's impossible. Our marriage was still on shaky grounds and funny thing is, I really want it to work out, and telling her something like this wouldn't help in our marriage--at all. So every other day, I'll take Doc out and meet Meredith by the trail, and we will talk--like friends do. She'll tell me her problems and I'll tell her mine. Except I really don't have any problems, not even marriage-wise. Things are going smoothly at the moment, Addison and I are trying our best to fix it. And yes, trying my best while meeting Meredith without letting Addison know. Because that is how things are going to work, at least, how I feel that things are going to work. I need to let go of Meredith my own way. Meredith is a kind person, she's pretty nice, and sweet, and her smile do light up the room. But of course, her smile will never be like Addison's because Addison's smile was one of the things that won my heart. And because of a one night stand gone wrong and my wife's return, I have to give up a possible friendship that I may have built with Meredith if the night I ended up at her house naked had never happened. How did I end up at her house, you say? Well, she brought me there. I couldn't bring her to a trailer, right? So I agreed, and yes, in that sense, she took advantage. It was her suggestion._

_But since things are going well, the walks with Meredith and Doc went on. The only times we've got to talk properly was in the scrub room when we're alone, together, in the elevator, or munching on sandwich over lunch hour. However, being married to Addison for almost 12 years and having dated her for that long, nothing can be hidden from her. I don't know if she suspects that I'm having walks with Meredith, but she certainly could tell that Meredith and I are friends. I could still remember the last time I breathed down Meredith's neck. In the morning before Mrs Booker had told me about the reason to her unwillingness to get well. And that was when I realised that I was absent back in New York. I was the one who forced Addison away when she needed my attention. Addie is an independent woman, but she needs me too, and somehow, along our marriage, I stopped noticing her. I suddenly realise that I want her in my life. So I'm working on it, and now we're both friends with Meredith. And Addison still doesn't know about the walks._

_It should stay that way--for now._

_- Derek Shepherd_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Everytime I see Derek with Meredith, see him talking to her and making those eyes at her, it hurt. But Mark's voice would come back to me._

-"He doesn't know how we felt. He doesn't know that you stayed with me after he left. How do you expect a marriage to work out if you can't even be honest with him?"-

_And when I hear his voice all over again in my head, I felt that I owe it to Derek. I shouldn't have stayed with Mark, but honestly, I have nothing left. I, Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd, needs someone to love me, I, a hotshot doctor who is a strong, smart and independent woman, needs to feel wanted. It's true, I stayed with Mark after Derek left. Sleeping was just a one time thing. After Derek left, I was devastated. Derek Shepherd is the love of my life, he is my husband, he is the only man I love. Mark is great, of course. He takes care of me, he makes time of me, but he will never replace the place Derek has in my heart._

_I recognise the looks Derek give to Meredith. He gave them to me in the beginning of our courtship, but I had shot glares at him when he each time he does that. It doesn't make me melt like it makes Meredith melt, it sends a shiver down my spine. But now I wish he would give me the looks that he gave Meredith._

_But after the night he walk in to our room and settle down by the bed to tell me that he will work on our marriage, things changed. He no longer send looks over to Meredith, he hardly ever talk to her unless necessary. Which makes me happy, and gulity at the same time. I could tell that he's friends with Meredith, and I don't mind. I tried to be friends with Meredith too, because by proxy, if Derek is her friend, I'm kinda her friend too. Besides, it is hard to actually try to avoid someone day in day out when we are working in the same place as they are for long hours each day. So, I'm her friend. It will make things easier on Derek, at least._

_Guilty, why? Because he's finally putting his effort into the marriage, and I have a secret to hide from him. A secret that will tear our marriage apart. I'm not ready for that. Things are going smoothly, going well, we're having sex now and then, and this little secret, if revealed, will jeopardise our marriage. And will Derek be ready to listen? He isn't even ready to talk about the affair I had with Mark. He admitted that he was absent, that he was indifferent, but does it mean that he realises that part of what he has been doing to our marriage, being absent, is the reason that drove me into the arms of his best friend? I really don't know. Funny how sometimes 'by proxy' friends doesn't turn out well. Mark has always been Derek's best friend, and by proxy, because I'm his wife, Mark and I became friends too. We were all close, and Mark fell for me, which I never noticed until the night he pressed his lips against mine. And that night, I felt wanted, I felt loved, and I gave in. That night should never have happened. But if it never did, Derek would never have noticed._

_So this will be the little secret that I have to keep now. Derek is not ready for it, our marriage is not ready for it. But soon, I will tell him. Not now, not yet._

_- Addison Shepherd_


	18. Years After

**A/N :** This story takes place two years after the previous chapter. (OK, a little AdDek squee. I'm sorry, I can't resist. LOL)

* * *

Addison ran a hand through her redhair as she stiffened a yawn, her fluffy slippers dragged lazily down the stairs as she descended down to the living room. She rubbed her eyes, glancing up to the clock hanging on the white wall. _6am._ she thought, heading towards the kitchen for coffee. As she neared it, a delicious fragrance travelled into her nose. _I hope it isn't trout._ she prayed. Her husband was not in bed beside her when she woke up. The side of his bed was cooled, indicating that his body had left it long before she was conscious.

She breathed in again, the sweet aroma of honey in the air. At that, she smiled. _Pancakes._ she had guessed, and her guess was confirmed when she reached the doorway of the kitchen. She leaned against the side of the wall, watching her husband flipped the pancakes professionally with the pan. He had definitely not noticed her, too engrossed in his cooking.

Between the two, Derek was definitely a better cook, and a more willing one, definitely. He had woken up half an hour earlier than his wife and headed straight down to the kitchen, preparing to surprise her with breakfast in bed. In another pan, strips of bacon was sizzling among the oil. With another hand, he picked up the pan gracefully and shook it, allowing the bacon to shift, flipping them to the other side before they get burnt. Addison smiled, pushing herself off the wall as she made her way softly to her husband, startling him when she wrap her arms around his waist.

"Good morning." she mumbled, snuggling onto his back. Derek's muscles stiffened at the touch, but was out of shock. Then, he relaxed, feeling his wife's face buried into his back as her arms hooked around his waist. He laughed.

"Morning to you too, sleepyhead. Coffee's in the pot." he said, tossing the done pancakes onto a white plate. "I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed but looks like I was too slow." Addison tightened her arms around his waist, shaking her head against his body.

"I don't want coffee." her words slurred, she smiled, breathing in the familiar scent of her husband. Derek switched the fire off the stove and wiped his hands on his apron, turning around to face Addison, now with her head buried into his chest.

"You don't want coffee? You?" he asked, grabbing the plate off the grill, starting towards the dining table. "Breakfast's ready, and I need to move to get the plates on the table, honey." he told her. But she refused to budge. "I don't want breakfast either, Derek." she said. He sighed, placing the plates down as he untied the apron at the back.

"You don't want coffee, you don't want breakfast." he repeated her sentence. "And all you want is to snuggle up to your husband's body that smells like fried oil." She laughed at that, releasing her arms around his waist and reached up to give him a peck on his lips. "I'll be right back." she promised.

"Aww, so soon?" Derek pouted playfully, pulling her back to his body by her waist before she could go wash up. She started to push him away but he held on, refusing to let go. "C'mon, babe. It's past six, we have to get to Seattle Grace at nine." Derek looked down to her with his blue eyes, mastering another pout that made her laugh. "We can always be late." he suggested. Addison raised an eyebrow, her body now sinking into Derek's, her fingers tracing the muscles of his arm. "You know you can't be late. _We_ can't be late."

Derek sighed, his eyes drifting downwards. Addison lifted his chin up with a finger and gazed lovingly into his eyes. But when she was just about to promise him that they can do it another day, he lunged forward, pressing his lips onto hers forcefully, then soften, his lips part and deepening the kiss into a lusty one. At first against it, Addison struggled. But when his tongue brushed against her lips, she let out a soft moan of pleasure and gave in, her lips parted, her teeth grazing pass her husband's lips.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Richard was sitting in their office when they arrived, both entering casually as he looked up. They have been in Seattle Grace for almost three years now and somehow, along the way, they've all agreed for the Shepherds to share an office, especially when they're bringing more staff in. Derek looked up, sharing a look with Addison to know that they both have saw their mentor in their office. Derek has been promoted to the Chief of Surgery, someone was brought in a new surgeon as the Head of Neurology. Addison, obviously, remained her position as the Head of the NeoNatal department. They shifted their things into Richard's old office and their previous office is now shared by the Heads of all surgical departments. Richard folded his arms in front of his chest as his eyes shfited back and forth between his two favourite students. And before either of them can open their mouths, he spoke up.

"You did not lose your way. Three years in Seattle Grace and you definitely did not lose your way." he said, his eyes on Derek, then shifted to Addison as he continued. "And you did not forget to set your alarm clock." He stood up, his eyes still following them as the two moved around the office, getting their things ready.

"Nothing to say? No excuses this time?" he pushed on, Addison looked up only to shoot him a glare. "I gave you the Chief of Surgery, Derek. The Chief of Surgery cannot be late for work, and I'm sure you understood that clearly when you took over my position." Derek looked up to him with a sigh.

"I'm the chief of surgery now, Richard. I do things my way, and if I have to be the first Chief of Surgery to actually have a real family life, then I will be." he said, shoving his jacket down into his bag. Addison pulled her long red hair into a bun, watching the exchange. And before Richard could come back with something to say, Derek cut him off.

"And unlike you, Richard, I actually have se"  
"Oversharing." Richard warned, putting a hand up to Derek. But instead, Derek went on.  
"I actually have sex with my wife." he said. "What are you doing here anyway? Aren't you retired?"

Richard gritted his teeth at the information, then sat down on the couch stubbornly at the question. "Fine. You have sex with your wife. No need to share" he said, then added under his breathe. "I'd rather have you coming up with stupid excuses."

At the other end of the room, Addison pulled out her lap coat and put it on, adjusting her collar before walking towards her husband casually, adjusting his from the back as he adjusted the sleeves to his coat.

"I came out here to check on how the hospital is functioning under you, Derek, and to give you kids a surprise visit." he explained. "And, I came here only to find that my chief of surgery did not report to work on time!"

Derek had to laugh at that, he reached out, placing his bag on the chair as he ushered Richard out on his way. "Relax, Richard. The hospital will not collapse under my watch." he reassured him. "Besides, do you think Addie will allow me to do that?"

"She allowed you to be late." Richard argued.  
"She allowed me to have sex with her." Derek corrected. Richard stopped, looking back and forth to Derek, both had a smirk on their faces.

"You know what? I'm walking away right now."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It has been almost 3 years since the day Addison walked in on her husband fauning over a younger woman, which happened to be months after the day Derek walked in on his wife cheating on him with his best friend. The walks with Meredith no longer existed, although Doc still lived under the same roof as the Shepherds. He refused to return to Meredith's house for mysterious reasons. The talk about how their marriage has fallen apart was not brought up, neither were the secrets that each spouse kept within themselves revealed. Sometimes, Derek looked back and wonder what life would be like if he had signed the divorce papers, and Addison wondered what life would be like if she had gone back to New York with Mark. Life for either of them would be very, very different, but towards the end of the wonderings, both often found themselves not regretting their choices. How did the vow go? "For better or for worse." Yes, and they are going through it.

Life is never a bed of roses, no marriages are smooth and calm, and true love is never sweet and easy. To get what you want, you need to work on it. Leaving it there isn't going to make any problem solve itself. It was the same for the Shepherds.

That night, for the first time in a long time, they called for pizza. The both of them snuggled up on the couch watching a video. Yes, Derek Shepherd's life as the Chief of Surgery was very different from that of his old boss, Richard Webber's. As Richard preferred to have everything under his watch, do everything himself, doublecheck ever paperwork just in case anything goes wrong, Derek chose to leave it all to his staff, putting his full trust in them, checking only once every one or two months just to put himself at ease.

Addison Shepherd leaned against her husband's chest as she bit into the cheesy pizza, his arm around her shoulder. She looked up to him with a smile. Catching her gaze, Derek smiled, planting a kiss on her forehead as his fingers rubbed gently against his shirt that she wore.

"Just a shirt?" Derek askedafter a silent moment of video-watching.Addison looked up at the question, a grin plastered on her face.

That night, everyone in the household was happy. Doc gets to finish up the rest of their food and lick up the sweet fizzy drinks spilled over the marbled floor. As for the married couple? Their squees would be heard by everyone in the neighbourhood--if they actually have a neighbourhood.


	19. Secrets Revealed

**A/N :** Ok, I'm skipping timeline here. This happens 1 year after the previous chapter. Let's not think about how old they are now. LOL.

* * *

With one last smile into the darkened nursery, she shut the door gently behind her, feeling her back pressed against her husband's body. He wrap his arms around her waist and leaned forward to give her a peck on her cheek. 

"You're wonderful. You know that?" he whispered into her ear, causing her to giggle. It took a moment for her to stop, enjoying the feel of being embraced in his arms. Finally, she turn around and pulled away, looking into Derek's blue eyes as her teeth nibbled on her lower lip nervously. Derek took a step back, sensing her distance.

"What's wrong?" he frowned. Addison looked away.  
"Derek, we... we need to talk." she said. Still confused, Derek nodded.  
"Alright, let's go down." he said, leading the way down the steps and into the dining room.

Addison slided into the chair uncomfortably, a leg folded under between her bottom and the chair while another dangled off. She twiddled with her thumb worriedly as Derek slided his arms behind her shoulders, rubbing it gently to comfort her. _He isn't helping._ she thought. Then, placing a hand on his as a cue to stop, she looked back at him.

"I think you should sit down, Derek." she instructed. Obeying the instructions, Derek slided into the chair on the opposite side of the table. From the look on his wife's face, he knew something is up, and this something is serious. Addison may like to play tricks on him from time to time, but this time, he could sense that it was something serious.

"I want to talk... about Mark." Addison said softly, refusing to look up into Derek's eyes. She waited for an outburst from him, but there was only silence. Then after a moment of silence, he spoke.

"Ok."

Addison looked up to him with relieved, but his expression was grim, pain reflected in his eyes as the memory came back to him. At the moment, Addison regretted what she said. _Maybe I should just keep it a secret._ she thought. Their marriage had been stablised three years since the incident with Mark and Meredith, and if Addison doesn't say it now, when can she? When they're both old and greying on their death beds? _No._ she changed her mine. _Now is a good time._

Derek waited patiently. The memory that floated back into his mind hurt, but it has been 3 years. He hasn't forgotten about it, but he has learnt to forgive. The fail of their marriage wasn't because of the affair, the affair just woke it up. Sometimes he wondered if he should actually thank Mark for it, because if he had never slept with Addison, it wouldn't have hurt that much, and it wouldn't have made him realise, made the both of them realised, that their marriage needs to be worked on. He folded his arms in front of his chest defensively and leaned back onto the chair. Addison shot him a brief glimpse and drew in a deep breathe. _She's preparing herself._ he realised.

"I... I stayed with Mark after you left." she blurted out, her eyes still refuse to meet his. She squeezed her hands together, praying silently that it wouldn't tear their marriage apart. She let her eyes wander around the dining room, anywhere but into Derek's eyes. But she could feel his eyes boring into her, waiting for something, something else. She looked down at her hands, bracing for the worse as she finally look straight into her husband's eyes. His eyes that reflected pain now reflected nothing, his jaw tight. Addison licked her lips and looked away once again, she knew it hurt him to know, but she had to. She can't keep the secret to herself forever. Then, finally, he spoke again, a question this time.

"Why?" he asked, his gaze steady.

_Is he mad? Is he upset?_ she wondered. Unlike the norm, Addison was unable to read Derek's thoughts now. But he asked, he wanted to know, and he wanted to talk about it. It's a good thing, right? She swallowed uncomfortably, allowing her gaze to leave him again, only to be fixed onto the dining table.

"I..." she started, then drew in a deep breathe. _Where do I start?_  
"After you saw us... together, you just left." she said, starting from the very beginning. "I knew you were upset, more than just upset, so I didn't go after you, I didn't call you that night. I wanted to give you space to cool off." she explained, her voice soft, unlike her usual confident self. She looked up to him briefly, only receiving the same, constant, emotionless look. He nodded once, encouraging her to go on. "And when I returned to work the next day and you weren't there, I knew you were gone. I called you, I tried to call you, left you messages, but you never returned my calls even after three days of trying. And I thought I've lost you forever." she said, pausing to let a breathe out. "And Mark was there. He always had been. And he told me that he love me, that you will never come back after what happened, and he promised me the exact things you promised on the day we got married." she explained, this time, drawing in a deep breathe, blinking the moisture away in her eyes. Addison was reliving the moment herself, but the affair was an issue that had never been brought up or even solved, and it has to be done for their lives to go on normally. No more secrets. "And I believed him." she continued, her eyes shifting to Derek once more, but only briefly before it was returned to the table top.

Derek waited for more, but there was only silence. She refused to look into his eye for more than a second, but he needed to know more, know everything. He was actually surprised himself that he was ready to see the reason for his wife's affair.

"Why did you come back?" he asked, his arms still folded in front of his chest. More silence. Derek searched her shifty eyes, realising that she was searching for to place her words correctly, to find a right way to start.

"Richard called me." she started, looking up, longer this time. Derek nodded in acknowledgement at the memory. "He said you've asked me to join you in Seattle but I turned it down. But I know that never happened, so I put two and two together to figure out that you're there working for him. And he used the TTTS case as an excuse, I guess, to pull me over, to 'take a look around', he said. And I went."

This time, Derek frowned. "The divorce papers?" he pushed.

"I was convinced, Mark convinced me, that our marriage was over. And I needed someone emotionally, if not, also physically, and I thought you were really gone, Derek, so I filed the divorce papers. It was a chance I would get to see you again, and I thought it'd be best if we end things properly and move on." she explained, this time, looking into his eye to emphasize that she was telling the truth. Derek nodded, not saying anything else.

"Did you..." he stopped and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "After I left, did you still... with Mark?" he asked. Somehow, he wanted to know. Addison looked away, her lips pressed together, and then he knew.

"Oh." he said softly, then slowly, he stood up from his chair and started out of the dining table. Noting the movement, Addison stood up, ready to stop him from doing whatever he was about to do.

"Derek..." she said, almost pleadingly. It was as though it was a magic word for him to stop. His shoulders slumped as he shook his head slightly. Addison, standing by the table, wrap her arms around herself, the fear of him leaving her again crept into her mind.

"I walked Doc with Meredith." he said softly, taking her by surprise.

"What?"

"Before, when we were still living in the trailer, when it was my turn to take Doc for his morning walks, Meredith would be there." he said, turning around to face his wife, emotions in his blue eyes once again. Although it wasn't that much compared to what Addison had confessed, it was something. Derek had promised to work on his marriage, and was to keep his promise of not talking to Meredith except for work purposes. But he didn't. When Addison found out that Derek and Meredith are still friendly towards each other, she accepted it and even tried to be her friend. _I owe it to her._ he thought to himself.

"I'm sorry." his voice still soft. "I should have let you know..."

"Oh." she responded, sinking back into the chair. "Did you uhmm...ask her to?" she asked, looking up to Derek. He hung his head, his gaze refused to meet hers.

"Yes." He admitted. And she had to know more.

"Why?"

"I don't know." he said. "I know I needed to forget about her, and... I guess it's difficult to when I see her everyday and couldn't talk to her." he rambled. "And at that moment, she needed a friend, so I thought maybe befriending her would help me see her as a friend instead of an ex-lover."

"Okay." she nodded, accepting his explanation without question. But there was something else she wanted to know.

"Why did you choose me?" she blurted out.

Derek shrugged. "You are my wife." he simply said. Addison looked up to him, expecting an explanation.

"We spent 11 years together as a family." he continuned. "I..I can't bring myself to cut you out of my life. And... and I guess somehow I knew I had a part to play in resulting your affair with Mark. Subconsciously, maybe, but..." he sighed again. "And I guess at that point of time even though I told myself that I don't want you back, deep down inside, I'm still in love with you."

Addison smiled lightly and nodded at the response.

"Derek, are we ok?" she couldn't help but ask the same question she asked him three years ago.

This time, Derek looked up at her, his lips slowly spreading into a soft smile. "Yea." he said. "We are."

Addison's lips broke into a smile as she rose from the chair, meeting Derek halfway with a long hug. They pulled away with a sigh of relief, kissing each other softly on the lips.

"We're ok." he said, and she smiled, echoing his words.  
"We're ok."


	20. And They Made It

**A/N :** Ok, final chapter! -breathes a sigh of relief- Uhh..takes place uhmm...4 years after the previous chapter.

* * *

Derek switched the channel on the television, taking a last glance at the living room's clock. He tilted his head and took a peek into the kitchen. Ever since the both of them have retired at an early age, putting Bailey as the new Chief of Surgery and Isobel Stevens as the Head of Neonatal, Addison had taken up cooking, her skills improving and slowly, becoming better than her husband's. The both of them have decided that they have both earned enough money to last them the entire life time and decided to stop work in order to spend more time together as a family. 

"You sure you don't need help?" Derek yelled from the living room. Addison peeked out from the kitchen with a smile.

"No. I know it's an excuse for you to come in so you can steal food before dinner is ready." she said, then popping back into the kitchen. At the sound of the oven, she pulled out the tray with three chicken breasts, laying them on the table with a clink. With a chopstick, she placed them neatly in the centre of each plate.

After laying the table, she peeled off the thick gloves, now used to the feel of it compared to the surgical gloves she had worn most of her life, and placed them onto the kitchen's counter.

"It's done." she said, hearing the silencing of the television as her husband pushed himself off the couch.

Derek placed the remote neatly into its holder and slotted the magazine back under the low table. He turned to the stairs and tilted his head up.

"Kaelin! Dinner's ready!" he called out cheerfully. In the next moment, a five year old girl came bouncing down the stairs, her red hair tied in two ponytails. She was already changed, wearing a white and pink spaghetti strapped top and blue jeans.

"Yay!" she cheered, leaping straight into Derek's open arms. He carried his daughter to the dining room, placing her down on the chair gently as he leaned towards Addison, giving her a quick kiss on her lips.

"You're going to spoil her." Addison laughed, referring to Derek's act of carrying their daughter to the kitchen. At that, Derek pouted playfully.

"Aww Addie, can't I show a little affection to our daughter? Or are you jealous?" he teased. Kaelin dug her spoon into the whipped potato and giggled at her father's expression.

"I love Daddy's hugs." she said, hoping that it would help Derek the least bit. Addison raised her eyebrows dramatically at her daughter.

"Oh? Well then I'll have to make Daddy hug me more often." she said, sliding down into her chair. When she saw her daughter pushing the baby carrots and broccoli away to the side of her plate, she glared at her warningly.

"Eat your veggies, Kaelin." she said, only getting a tongue stuck out from her daughter's mouth. Addison sighed, turning to Derek.

"She definitely got that from you."

Taking a cue of that he was suppose to help, Derek turned to his daughter and pushed the vegetables back into the centre of her plate.

"Now now, Kae, if you want to be as beautiful as your Mommy, you'll have to eat those." he coaxed. Kaelin took a glance up at Addison, then unwillingly, shove the carrots into her mouth.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After dinner, the Shepherds walked hand in hand towards the playground in the park, their daughter standing in between them. It was almost 7 in the evening, thebright bluesky has dimmed into a light shade of lavendar. Derek had put on a white shirt and faded blue jeans while Addison slipped on a white dress. Nearing the playground, Kaelin broke contact with her parents and rushed straight towards the swing, joining the other random kids at at play. Derek slided his arm around Addison's waist and gave her a peck on her cheek, smiling at the sight of their daughter laughing happily.

"She's beautiful." Addison commented, waving back when Kaelin turned around to give a wave to their parents.

"Yea, like you." he whispered into her ear with a smile. Addison let out a laugh, leaning down on her husband's shoulder as they watch the five year old bounce around the playground.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Twenty minutes later, a still-hyper five year old girl charged at her parents, diving straight into mother's embrace, then wrapping her arms around her father's neck and pulling him to her to give him a wet kiss on his cheek.

"Ready to go?" Addison asked, brushing the red hair that stuck to her daughter's sweaty forehead. Kaelin nodded, letting herself down to the floor. Taking each of their hands in hers as they walked back home, Kaelin looked up to her mother with a smile.

"I wanna be just like Mommy." she said, then turn to her father. "And I wanna marry someone like Daddy."

At that, Derek and Addison shared a laugh.

"I'm sure you would." Derek smiled.

And they made it.


End file.
